Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes

Guys!  Twinsomnia made it into the Top 25 Multiples Blogs at Circle of Moms!!!  THANK YOU for voting!!!!!!!!!!!!  You all rock.  :-)

In other random news, remember this little tale I told you about Scott and Ashley a few weeks ago?  Well, she's been a little focused on death and the afterlife ever since.  Also, apparently Scott and the twins watched a documentary on tornadoes the other day.

Yeah.

Which means that - yes, it's time for another edition of:

How Not to Teach Your Kids About
Religion and Weather Phenomena
Starring:  My Family

Owen:  Mommy, God in da 'ky?

Me:  It's sssss-ky.  Don't forget to pop your sounds.

Owen:  Sssss-ky.  Mommy, God in da sssss-ky?

Me:  Yup, God is in the sky.  He's up in heaven.

Owen:  Mommy, God have wings?

Me:  Um, I don't think so.

Aidan:  Mommy, Jesus have wings?

Ashley:  Yes, Jesus has wings!

Owen:  No he not!

Me:  Yeah, I don't think Jesus has wings.

Aidan:  Mommy, when the 'ky dok blue that mean they a tomato?

Me:  Ssss-ky.  And it's a tornado, not a tomato.  Torrrr-naaaa-doooo.

Aidan:  Toooo-maaa-toooo.

Me:  Good job.

Owen:  If tomato come, dat mean you dead?

Me:  It's a tor-naaaa - oh forget it.  Where did you hear that?

Aidan:  If a tomato come, dat mean you go to heaven.

Ashley:  I wish I was in heaven with God.

Me:  Aw.  But if you were in heaven, you couldn't play soccer and do crafts and all the fun stuff you do here.

Ashley:  I can do that stuff in heaven, too.

Me:  Well, yeah, but...

Ashley:  And I'll get to play checkers.

Me:  What?

Ashley:  In heaven, you get to play checkers with Jesus.  Daddy said.

End scene.

I didn't even know where to start.  So, I didn't.  Although I am gonna keep a close eye on Ashley's tomato intake this summer.

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Sunday, May 29, 2011

Sometimes You Really Feel Like a Nut

Awhile ago, Scott asked me the following deep question.

"Hey Meg, which has nuts in it...Almond Joys or Mounds?"

I replied, "Oh, you know...you just need to sing that song."

And then I sang him the familiar jingle from my childhood.

"Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.  Almond Joys have nuts, Mounds don't."

I smiled and said,  "There you go, Scotty.  Almond Joys have the nuts.  Mounds don't."

And then he said to me, "Yeah.  Also they're named Almond Joys."

Sneaky bastard.

***

Monday's the last day to vote for Twinsomnia as one of Circle of Mom's Top 25 Multiples Blogs.  Right now I'm in 26th place.  The angst!  The drama!  Argh!  Anyway, please go vote and finally make this bridesmaid blog a bride.  Thank you!



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Saturday, May 28, 2011

For Ellie

So, I have some pretty cool news. There's a ginormous fundraiser for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation coming up in my city and I've been asked to speak at it on behalf of my niece, Miss Ellie.

I am so nervous. There's going to be like 650 people there! And I have to talk!

But only for 5-7 minutes, thank goodness.

I also cut down my total allotted time by putting together a little video to show about Ellie. It's almost 5 minutes, so now I only have to talk for 2, tops.  I can do this, I can do this, serenity now, serenity now...

I've eaten, breathed and slept this thing over the past few days, so please take a look.

(In case it isn't obvious, I love that little girl.)



And if you have nothing else to do this lovely holiday weekend, please vote for me at Circle of Moms. I'm in 25th place...so close, yet so far away. Thanks!






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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Clarifying Rap

Last week I had to drive down to Kansas City for work. I left early that morning so I could arrive in time for a day of looooooooong meetings, and then I drove back again the same night. 

How did I keep myself awake, you ask?

That's easy.  By listening to Top 40 radio.  Well, except for that one little area where I can only get the Spanish-speaking radio station.  Then I do a lot of seated salsa dancing, which is entirely possible if you have enough attitude.

But I digress.

So, anyways, I listened to a lot of Top 40 radio that day.  And I noticed something verrrrry interesting about many of today's songs.  Well, maybe it's not that interesting.  But it certainly seemed fascinating to me after 2 hours in the car and one too many replays of La Bamba.

What I noticed was a little phenomenon I have dubbed "The Clarifying Rap". 

Oh, you know what I'm talking about.  You have your Top 40 singer, singing about love and sex and getting all dirty with the lyrics.  It's sooooo obvious what they're singing about, right?

Well, apparently not to everyone.

Because about half-way through the song, the Top 40 singer backs off and in comes the "Clarifying Rapper" to hit us over the head with what the Top 40 singer was already singing about.

Take, for example, Katy Perry's  E.T.

There is little Katy Perry, singing about vibrating and getting hit with lasers and being infected with loving .... der, pretty obvious what she is talking about.

But then Kanye needs to come in and clarify it for us, just in case.

Tell me what's next, alien sex
I'mma disrobe you, than I'mma probe you
See I abducted you, so I tell ya what to do
I tell ya what to do, what to do, what to do


Um, ew.  Also, I think Kanye might have some control issues, just sayin'.

I was going to give Lil' Wayne's cameo in Mike Posner's "Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow" as further evidence of the Clarifying Rap, but upon further investigation into the lyrics of that song I realized Wayne (can I just call him Wayne after I've already referred to him once in the same paragraph?) really doesn't add much clarification.  But maybe he just wasn't doing his job properly.  Who knows.

So there you go.  The Clarifying Rap.  You learn something new every day.  Oh, and something else I learned - I will not let my kids listen to Top 40 radio EVER.  Holy cannoli.

P.S.  Can you do me a favor and click on the button below and vote for Twinsomnia at Circle of Moms?  I'm about to fall out of the Top 25.  Boo to the hoo.




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Sunday, May 22, 2011

Chalk Talk

This weekend the kids and I turned our driveway into a chalk art museum.

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I drew tons of frames around the driveway and told the kids to fill them in.  It was like a little mini-Renaissance sweatshop.

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But I did give them a few breaks to act like goofballs.  Well, it was mainly Aidan who acted like a goofball.  Boy knows how to strike a pose.

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Once we were done, we had a masterpiece on our hands.

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FYI, Ashley drew dollar bills on the driveway too.  For the price of admission.  Apparently I gave birth to a Republican.

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Once we were done, the kids got all Mary Poppins on their pictures and tried to jump on in.

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It didn't work.  But they sure had fun trying!

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Last night it thunderstormed, and our works of art were washed away in less than five minutes.

Which was kinda sad, but not really.  Cause we just got to do it all again today.  :-)





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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

You Say Tomato, I Say Tom-ah-to

You know how some parents carefully explain things to their children whenever they ask questions?  You know, like they try to help them understand how the world works so they can grow up to be responsible, law-abiding citizens?

I try to do that too.  But mostly I just end up confusing them.

For example, Owen asked me the other day whether my minivan would stop driving if I drove on the grass instead of the road.  I said, "No, but it might go a little slower.  And, if a police officer saw me do it, he might give me a ticket."

"Why would he give you a ticket?" asked Ashley.

"Well, because that's what police officers do when you don't follow the driving rules.  You get a ticket," I said.

"What do you do with the ticket?"

"Well, you usually have to pay some money if you get a ticket.  And if you get too many tickets, you may have to go to jail."

I thought this satisfied her.  But a few seconds later, she asked "So you go to jail because you were stealing the tickets?" 

"No hon, you go to jail if you get the tickets.  Tickets are a bad thing.  You don't want to get the tickets." 

It was then that I realized Ashley was thinking of these kinds of tickets:



Yeah.  Tickets are awesome, in her little world.  So I had to do a little clarifying on that one.  But man, wouldn't it be nice if you got skee-ball tickets for speeding?  And the police station was just a giant prize counter?  I would totally be able to able to pick out a big stuffed panda.  

Then, last night, Scott and I told the kids we were going to take the kids to the China Buffet for dinner.  They were quite excited, which surprised me since they are very picky little eaters and usually freak if we attempt any restaurant other than Red Robin or our favorite pizza place.

Mid-way through his dinner, Aidan asked me "Mommy, what day we goin' to China???"  Whoops.  Guess they don't know what "buffet" means either.

Hopefully they won't ask me where babies come from anytime soon.  They'll probably require therapy after I'm done with that one.



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Monday, May 16, 2011

Blue Suede Interior Not Included

The other day, Scott and I were driving home from one of the kid's soccer games, when he saw a sports car.

Scott:  Hey Meg, guess what kind of car that is.

Me:  Hmmm.  Is it an Elvis?

Scott:  ....  .....What?

Me:  I can't read what the little sign thingy on the car says.  It looks like "Elvis."

Scott:  Did you seriously just say Elvis?

Me:  Ohhhhhhh, Lexus!  Wait, does it say Lexus?

Scott:  It's a Saturn.

Me:  Oh. 

...

Scott:  That game really isn't much fun with you, you know.

Me:  Yeah.



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Sunday, May 15, 2011

Ashley-isms

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The things this child says...

At her soccer game on Saturday, she spied a candy bar wrapper on the ground and picked it up.

Me:  Ashley, put that down, it's trash.

Ashley:  NO, Mommy.  I have to pick it up if I want to save the world.

Me:  Don't worry about it, the world will be fine.

Ashley:  NO, Mommy.  If I don't pick it up, the world will esplote.

Then, at dinner the other night:

Scott:  Ash, do you want more pasta?

Ashley:  Daddy. You know I'm not a pasta girl.  I'm a pizza girl.

And after soccer today:

Me:  Did you have fun?

Ashley:  Yes, but there was this one boy who said I touched the ball with my hand and I didn't touch the ball with my hand and he kept saying "You touched it! You touched it!" and I didn't.

Me:  Well, he doesn't sound very nice.

Ashley:  Yes, I think he was a spoiled rat.

I could go on and on.  I think 5 years old is my favorite age so far.  :-)




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Saturday, May 14, 2011

S'More Spring Weather Would Be Nice

Grrrr. Stupid blogger ate all your comments on my last post. And they were good ones too, dagnabbit.

(Yes, I just said dagnabbit).

Anyways, we promised the kids they we would build a fire outside in the firepit this weekend and have s'mores.  But then it was only 45 degrees today.  And after spending this morning outside for the Great Strides Cystic Fibrosis Walk and Ashley's soccer game, I was not about to freeze my patootie off any more than I already had.

(Yes, I just said patootie).

So, we fired up the fireplace and roasted marsmallows inside instead.

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There was some momentary confusion when Ashley convinced herself that we were all camping out and left to get her sleeping bag and pillow, but luckily that all got straightened out and we got down to some more roasting.  Or s'more roasting.  Heh.

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Scott and I don't trust the children near flaming objects yet, so we roasted one marshmallow at a time.

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Owen was quite concerned when his 'mallow caught on fire.  Luckily Scott was there to save the day.

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Aidan was just excited to eat his.

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Can you blame him?  They looked delish.

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So of course I had one too.  Come on, this is me we're talking about.

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Anyways, we all had a great time.  And we stayed warm while doing so.

Say s'more!

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"S'MORE!"





(P.S.  Don't forget to vote!)
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Friday, May 13, 2011

He ain't heavy, he's my...wait, there's TWO!?

So, I saw this article about moms of twins on msnbc.com the other day.

Moms of twins may live longer, study says

Research suggests mothers of twins might be physically stronger

"Having two babies at a time is associated with a longer life, according to a new study. But that's not because doubling up on dirty diapers increases life span; instead, moms of twins are physically stronger in the first place."

Hmm. I don't think I was physically stronger in the first place.

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But I know I'm sure as heck stronger in the after place.

Twins are freaking heavy.





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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Brothers Don't Shake Hands (But Sometimes They Hold Them)

I don't think there's anything much cuter than twin brothers holding hands.

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Especially when you didn't tell them to.

***

(P.S.  I got nominated for Circle of Moms Top 25 Parents with Multiples!!  To say I'm excited is an understatement.  ;-)  As always with these bloggy things, I'm totally getting my arse kicked.  So spare me some love and click on over to vote for me, pretty please?  Click on the button, scroll down until you see Twinsomnia, and then click on the Thumbs Up sign.  You can vote once per day until May 30th!  My self-esteem thanks you!!!) 




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Monday, May 9, 2011

And I Almost Majored in Marine Biology

Scott and I went out on a date on Friday night.  To my favorite restaurant ever.

Red Lobster.

Scoff, if you must.  The seafood lover in me is unashamed. 

We started off with the artichoke lobster cheesy dip stuff.  YUM.

Then we both ordered the big daddy..."The Ultimate Feast."  Crab legs, lobster tail, shrimp scampi, fried shrimp, biscuits, salad and potato (I went with baked, he went with mashed.  Do you think we need counseling?)

However, I was disappointed when my crab legs arrived and I realized it didn't have a thumb.

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Me: Aw, I didn't get a thumb.

Scott:  What?

Me:  I didn't get a thumb.  I think they gave me an extra finger, though.

Scott:  It's a claw.

Me:  Claw, thumb...same diff.

But no biggie, because the crab and lobster tail and everything else I did get was heavenly.  We followed up our entrees with a hot lava cookie with ice cream and practically rolled ourselves out of there.

And then, driving home from soccer on Saturday afternoon, it hit me.

Me:  Oh my God.

Scott:  What?

Me:   It wasn't a thumb.

Scott:  What are you talking about?

Me:  Don't you see?!?  It wasn't a thumb.  

Scott:  Um...

Me:  They're crab legs!

Scott:  ...

Me:  It was the big toe.  It was the big toe all along! (cue maniacal laughter)

Scott:  Yeah.  So anyway, ...

So next time, I'll be sure to be much more specific when I order.

"I'll take the crab legs.  With big toes, please."

Just so there's no confusion.


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Thursday, May 5, 2011

Work Schmerk

GAH, you guys.  I am so freaking behind on responding to comments and visiting your blogs.  I totally suck.

Work has been kicking my arse lately.  I barely have enough time to eat a pack of White Cheddar Cheez-Its before somebody's handing me another project or dialing me into another conference call or telling me something that was supposed to be due next week is now due tomorrow or...well, you get the picture.

I even had to work on Easter.  Easter, I tell you!  I work with a bunch of heathens.  Or at least a bunch of bunny-haters. 

So, yeah.  I promise I'll catch up. In the meantime, please hang in there with me.

(P.S.  In totally random news, I saw the space station fly by overhead tonight!  Have any of you ever seen it before?  The news guy said it would be visible tonight and I didn't really believe him because I'm skeptical like that but then whoah, there it was.  It was way cool.  And yes, I realize this makes me sound like a total mom-nerd.) 
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Sunday, May 1, 2011

Little Things That Make Me Stupid Excited: May 2011 Edition

It's the 1st of the month!  And you know what that means.  It's time to get STUPID excited!!!!

For those of you new to my blog, "Little Things That Make Me Stupid Excited" is a feature I post on the first day of each month. It's like Oprah's Favorite things - if Oprah was really cheap. And loved to shop at Kohl's.

Now, let me make clear that I am not hawking or reviewing products here. Nobody's paying me or providing me with anything. LTTMMSE is just a little outlet for me to exclaim over and dissect little materialistic things that make me ridiculously excited. Sidenote: It doesn't take much, people.

Grab the button below and link on up in the comments if you want to make your own list! I'd love to read what makes you STUPID excited too!! And if you'd like to see my past lists, they're all linked up on my LTTMMSE page.

Little Things That Make Me Stupid Excited


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I've got *TEN* stupid exciting things for the month of May!  Let's get started, shall we?

*One*

Oooh, toddler rain boots.  You know, I've always thought these were adorable, but a total waste of money.  I mean, who needs special boots just to walk around in the rain?!  Well, my good friends.  What I didn't realize is that your kids can also wear these boots out in the mud.  So, when the sun finally pokes out after it's rained for 3 days, put these puppies on your kids and send them out to the mud-filled backyard without a care in the world.  They're mess-free, easy to slip on and off, and are awesome for little kids who want to go outside and then come inside and then oh, my brother is still outside so here I go but wait my sister is also outside, so in I come.  Buy them ASAP - your kids' tennies (and your carpet) will thank you.  

*Two*


Um.  I just discovered these a couple weeks ago and feel like I've found the missing ingredient to my life.  Forget cinnamon and cilantro!  All I needed was a dose of white cheddar, in Cheez-It format.  I think I could totally subsist on these alone.  They are delish.

*Three*

I bought these on a whim at Target a few weeks back, and I gotta say, they are awesome.  I wear my hair back in a low chignon all the time and these things work like a dream in keeping it in place.  I really had my doubts about them, because I have very fine hair and nothing ever holds it.  But these things actually work!  And they look nifty, too. 

*Four*


I feel like a dummy for not knowing about this product until now, but I found them at Walgreens a while back (the same day I found out about Bieber's mother and had to stop for some emergency anti-aging cream).  They are $1.99 each!  And the colors are the coolest.  I'm gonna buy that Tiffany Blue color for my toes next - isn't it cute?

*Five*

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Cute Sandals from Claires

I loooooooove these sandals.  I found them at Claires when I was with my friends on Girl's Weekend.  Random!  They're so springy and girly.  Love 'em.

*Six*

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Flower Painting by Ashley Belle

Ashley painted this picture at preschool awhile back, and I think it's so cute.  I'm gonna frame it and hang it in the hallway.  Girl's got talent!

*Seven*

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Spring, or more specifically, my neighbor's Poofy Tree in the Spring

Man, I love spring.  Especially when the trees get poofy and start to look like cotton balls.  This is my neighbor's tree and I covet it.  I guess we could plant our own, but that would take time and effort, which I have neither of at the moment.  So I will just tree stalk for now. 

*Eight*


My mom found this recipe on allrecipes.com, and it is ah-ma-ZING.  I think it tastes just like the Mongolian Beef from P.F. Chang's which I lurve.  It's also super easy to make.  Add a couple frozen egg rolls and you have a gourmet Mongolian dinner on your hands.  (Wait - are egg rolls Mongolian?  Whatev.)

Ingredients

  • 2 teaspoons vegetable oil
  • 1 tablespoon finely chopped garlic
  • 1/2 teaspoon ginger
  • 1/2 cup soy sauce
  • 1/2 cup water
  • 2/3 cup dark brown sugar
  • 1 pound beef flank steak, sliced 1/4 inch thick on the diagonal
  • 1/4 cup cornstarch
  • 1 cup vegetable oil for frying
  • 2 bunches green onions, cut in 2-inch lengths

Directions

  1. Heat 2 teaspoons of vegetable oil in a saucepan over medium heat, and cook and stir the garlic and ginger until they release their fragrance, about 30 seconds. Pour in the soy sauce, water, and brown sugar. Raise the heat to medium-high, and stir 4 minutes, until the sugar has dissolved and the sauce boils and slightly thickens. Remove sauce from the heat, and set aside.
  2. Place the sliced beef into a bowl, and stir the cornstarch into the beef, coating it thoroughly. Allow the beef and cornstarch to sit until most of the juices from the meat have been absorbed by the cornstarch, about 10 minutes.
  3. Heat the vegetable oil in a deep-sided skillet or wok to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).
  4. Shake excess cornstarch from the beef slices, and drop them into the hot oil, a few at a time. Stir briefly, and fry until the edges become crisp and start to brown, about 2 minutes. Remove the beef from the oil with a large slotted spoon, and allow to drain on paper towels to remove excess oil.
  5. Pour the oil out of the skillet or wok, and return the pan to medium heat. Return the beef slices to the pan, stir briefly, and pour in the reserved sauce. Stir once or twice to combine, and add the green onions. Bring the mixture to a boil, and cook until the onions have softened and turned bright green, about 2 minutes.
  6. 
    *Nine*
    
    You know, I swore these were actually called Chicks and Hens, not Chicks and Rabbits.  Which I suppose is a bit repetitive, but bygones.  I love these things.  I also love circus peanuts, on which they are based.  I know I may be a loner on this one, but I am not ashamed.  If you don't like them in your Easter baskets, feel free to pass them my way.  Styrofoam compartmentalized marshmallow sugar candy, party of one!  The only trouble is, I don't think anyone sells them anymore.  I could not find them anywhere this Easter.  My poor, abandoned Chicks and Hens (or rabbits, apparently) - so unappreciated by the masses.

    *Ten* 


    So yesterday I decided that it was finally warm enough to wear shorts, so I put some on and then almost passed out from the blinding glare of my whiter than white skin.  So I decided, "This will not do," and went outside to "get a little color."  Well, I got a LOT of color.  A lot of RED color.  My legs feel like little crispy sticks today, and Banana Boat aloe is my new best friend.  Excuse me while I go smother myself in more of it.

    ***

    And that's it for this month, people!  Hope you enjoyed the May edition of LTTMMSE!

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