Monday, February 28, 2011

Popping Your Sounds

So, the boys finally started speech therapy.  They've only gone to a few sessions, but they are already learning TONS.

Take, for example, their last session, where they learned how to "pop" their sounds.  "Popping" your sounds is when you use two consonants together like the "S" and "P" in spoon.

Ssssss-poon! 

::pop::

Or the "S" and "M" in smoke.

Ssssss-moke!

::pop::

Or the "S" and "C" in school.

Ssssss-chool!

::pop::

Get it?  (Me either, but just go with me on it.)

So, the boys have been popping sounds left and right lately.  And we are really starting to see a difference.

Like this morning, when I was trying to get the boys' breakfast, and Owen got all upset about something.  He put his head down, and when I said, "What's wrong, buddy?" all he said was...

"Not."

"Not what?  Not now?  You don't want breakfast right now?"

"Nooooooo, Mommy!  Not!"

"I don't know what you mean."

Then Aidan chimed in.

"Not, Mommy.  Owen say Not."

"Not?  Nock?  Nop?  I don't know what you're saying."

And then Aidan took a deep breath and decided to pop.

"Sssssss-not, Mommy.  Owen has ssssss-not."

::pop::

And then I realized Owen didn't want breakfast yet because his face was covered in boogers.  Ohhhh.

So, that's what the pop is.  It's comprehension of what my boys are actually saying ssssss-macking me right in the head.  So, thank you ssssss-peech therapy.  Thank you for putting the S back in my boys' snot.  Or whatever.  Can't wait to see what else you have in ssssss-tore!

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Sunday, February 27, 2011

As the World Turns

Today, Ashley and I watched an episode of the Fresh Beat Band.

Then she asked me a stumper.

"Mommy, is the Fresh Beat Band in our world?"

"What?"

"Mommy.  I sa-id is the Fresh Beat Band in our world?"

"Don't get annoyed at me, Ashley.  I just didn't hear you."

"Oh, sorry Mommy.  I said is the Fresh Beat Band in our world?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is the Fresh Beat Band in our world?"

"What does that even mean?"

"Are they in our world?"

"Well, they're on tv."

She sighed disappointedly.

"I wish they were on tv in our world."

"Well, wait, they are on tv in our world.  They're just not real.  They're in the tv."

"They're in the tv!?"

"Well, no, they're not in the tv, they're on tv.  We watch them on tv."

"In our world?"

"What do you mean in our world?"

"Are they on the earth, mommy!  Or are they in space!?"

"They're on earth!  They're not aliens.  But they're not real people - they're make-believe."

She looked horrified.  "They're not real people!?"

"Well, they're real.  But they're just actors."

"But are they actors in our world?"

And that's when I gave up.  God help me when this child starts science classes.

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Thursday, February 24, 2011

Deep Thoughts On the Road

As I was driving into work this morning, I saw a driver in the car in front of me realize that he or she missed his or her exit.  This person then swerved onto said exit at the last possible moment and tried to cut off the car that was already driving appropriately in the exit lane, only to realize there was another car in front of that car that would not take kindly to being sideswiped.  So the car just drove in the shoulder of the exit lane, gunning it past the first car, the second car, and then two more cars in front of those cars before finally merging in.

It was crazy. I'm pretty sure I screamed.  Multiple times.

But then I got to thinking.

There are 3 types of drivers in this world, which can all be identified by how they treat an exit.  Or maybe just 3 types of drivers in the U.S.  I've been to Italy and Egypt and I'm not even going to touch how they drive, except to say thank God I am still alive.  Holy cannoli.  And holy whatever Egyptians eat.  (I only ate potatoes while I was there.)

Anyways.

3 types of drivers.  In the U.S.  Identifiable by exit-usage.

1.  People who do what the driver above did.  They miss their exit, they think "To hell with that!" and then they go and TAKE that exit.   These drivers are aggressive.  They may also be playing their radio really loud.  While texting and talking on the phone.  And eating a cheeseburger and putting on makeup.  Or, they may be drunk.

2.  People who miss their exits, and then stop in the middle of the road, waiting for someone to let them in, blocking traffic in the meantime.  These drivers are usually older.  Or from out of state.  Or just lazy.  Often times you can find these same drivers in parking lots, stalking you for your spot near the front of the store instead of parking 3 spots further away so they don't have to walk.

3.  People who miss their exits, then drive to the next exit, turn around and come back the other way.  These drivers are very responsible, upstanding citizens.  They will drive 5mph over the speed limit but not a smidge more, unless they are taking someone to the hospital.  They typically drive a minivan.  Or a Prius.

I'm a #3.  Although sometimes I think it'd be fun to be a #1, minus all of the extra stuff.  To just be wild and free and attack exits with gleeful abandon - it would be so liberating.  Then again, it might not be so good on the old insurance premium.  Damn my #3-ness.  I just can't shake it.

So - what kind of driver are you?  #1, #2, #3 or none of the above?
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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

While I was in bed this morning, trying to catch a few extra winks before the snooze alarm went off (again), I realized the children were entrenched in the bed with me and Scott.

Ashley was nestled beside me, Owen was next to her, and Aidan got lasties and ended up at the foot of the bed.

All was quiet.

Then Ashley said, "Owen, stop it. You're not supposed to pick your nose."

"Okay," he responded.

Then, a few seconds later...

"Ash-ee, peese you cose your eyes?"

"Okay."

And all was quiet again.

Remind me to use this trick on her the next time she catches me stealing her leftover Valentine's Day candy, will you?

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Sunday, February 20, 2011

Spa Day Recap

So, I had my spa day on Saturday. And it was fabulous.

The first thing I had done was a facial. Now, getting a facial can be kind of a disconcerting experience. Basically because they blow hot steamy air directly in your airstream the whole time, wrap your face up in hot towels with only your nose poking out, shine bright lights on you and perform "extractions" (which is a fancy way to say "pop your zits), smear cream on your face with a warning that it may "tingle" but if it starts to "burn" to give a shout out, and make semi-reassuring declarations that your skin doesn't look "that bad".

So, in other words, you kind of feel like you're suffocating while someone pinches your face and insults you.

But, if you can get through all that, a facial is truly lovely. My best advice is to just surrender to the experience. Otherwise you might panic, and trust me - nobody's going to hear your muffled screams under all those hot towels.

After my facial, I was signed up for a massage. Now, I've never had a massage before, except that one time I had a prenatal massage when I was pregnant with Ashley. And that one was kind of lame because the lady masseuse kept telling me she couldn't use too much pressure or else it might put me in labor. Which was kind of weird, because it's not like I was asking her to massage my cervix or anything. But whatever.

So, I was kind of nervous about getting the massage in general, but also because I was scheduled with a dude masseuse. And you know, getting all naked and oily in a room with candles and soft music is something I don't normally do with a guy unless he's bought me a drink first. But what can you do.

So the dude comes to get me, and I look like a fright because the facial lady had already had her way with me. He takes me in the room, explains how it will all work, and then steps out so I can get naked and under the sheets on the table.  Now let me tell you, it was quite complicated getting on that table. He had left me with explicit instructions to lie face down, under the sheets, with my ankles hanging over this ankle roll thingy under the covers. However, the ankle roll thingy was all the way at the end of the table. So there I was, tucked under the covers, face in the face hole contraption, searching desperately with my feet to track down this ankle thingy, getting more and more discombobulated by the second. Then he knocked and said "Ready?" and no I was NOT ready but what do you say at that point other than "Come in," so that's what I said.

Anyway, this guy was AMAZING.  A.MAZ.ING.  I swear to God, I've had back pain since I was pregnant with Ashley, and I don't know what this dude did, but I have felt WONDERFUL ever since I left.  It felt like he was pushing the muscles in my back back between the right bones, which probably makes no medical sense but that's why I'm a lawyer not a doctor.  Anyway, it was great.

After he was finished I said "Thank you" and then felt kind of dirty.  Going to a salon to pay a man to oil me up and rub me down...the whole thing is weird, if you think about it too much.  Which of course I always do.

Anyway, after the massage Brandi and I had a glass of champagne, which we had to drink on the sly since the state apparently does not allow liquor in beauty salons.  I kind of felt like I needed a cigarette too, but Brandi didn't have any of those. 

Then it was off to the pedicure/manicure portion of the day, which was much more pleasant for my psyche.  I got french on my fingers and an earthy brown color on my toes.  Love it. 

By the time I got home, 5 hours had passed and I was a greasy, oily, very relaxed little lady.  Scott went out with friends that night so I just laid on the couch and watched a marathon of all the Oprah's I recorded that week.  (Roseanne Barr is funny.  So is Debbie Reynolds.  Ilyana whoever is weird, and she wears very swishy earrings.  And I am very glad I don't have a 7 year old who has tried to kill me with a kitchen knife.)

All in all, it was an extremely girly, relaxing, oily day.  No smoothies though.  Oh well - you can't have everything.  ;-)

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Friday, February 18, 2011

Drinking Responsibly

When I was in law school, we had horrible exams at the end of each semester.  How you performed on these exams made up your entire grade.  And your grades decided whether or not you would get a summer internship at a law firm.  And whether or not you got a summer internship at a law firm would decide whether or not you'd get a decent job offer after graduation.

So basically, if you did crappy on your exams, you could kiss a successful legal career goodbye.

No pressure, right?

So exam time was always a crazy two week period of my life.  Basically I would check out, immerse myself in my books, eat food that Scott brought to me, and cry.  Lots.

Then, at the end of exams, I would go out to celebrate with my law school classmates.  Which usually involved a lot of drinking.  (Told you I loved those lemon drops.)

Anyways, after one particularly gruelling exam period, I went out and celebrated a little too much.  I know this because when I got home, I rolled into bed with Scott (who was fast asleep) and then kept rolling right out onto the floor.  I landed underneath my clothes drying rack.

Scott woke up who knows how much later to the sound of me saying "Where am I?" 

Yes.  I got lost underneath my clothes.

Scott rescued me, thank God.  But what if he hadn't been there?  I might never have found my way out.

So people, the next time you think about overindulging in some bubbly, please remember what happened to me and act a little more responsibly, okay?  Like maybe put some pillows down around the bed.  And some snacks.  And a GPS device.

You can never be too safe.   
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Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Guess Who's Coming to Twitter?

So I did it.  I signed up for Twitter.  Follow me over there, too, will ya?  If you're into that sort of thing?

@Twinsomnia is my handle, or whatever you call it.

I think you can get to it by clicking here.

I feel quite fancy.  As fancy as a flying unicorn, in fact.

(Now I need to go and think of clever, yet brief, things to tweet about.  Somehow I don't think references to flying unicorns are going to cut it.)

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Tuesday, February 15, 2011

iSpoiled

Scott got me an iPad for Valentine's Day. I'm typing on it right now, and let me tell you, this thing is awesome.

And just in case I don't sound spoiled enough with this post, let me tell you what else I'm getting for Valentine's Day...

A spa day.

Not a spa hour. Not a spa session. A freaking spa DAY. Manicure, pedicure, facial and massage. And the best part about this gift is that my husband planned it with his best friend, who just so happens to be married to one of MY besties-Brandi.

So Brandi and I will be off at the spa come Saturday. I am SO excited.

Guess what I got for Scott????

(nothing. I just made him dinner. Which was really good. But still...I'm lame.)

In other totally random news, I'm thinking of signing up for Twitter. Finally. Whether I decide to do so or not will in large part depend on the comments I receive to this post, because if none of you are enthused then that means I will be awfully lonely over there.

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Friday, February 11, 2011

Deep Thoughts On a Friday Night

Me: Hmmm. That is intriguing.

Scott: What's intriguing?

Me:. On my poll of the week, two people have said they would want a Pegasus if they could have a mythical creature for a pet. But only one person wants a unicorn/pegasus.

Scott: Why's that weird?

Me: Well, wouldn't everyone want a unicorn/pegasus? Two for the price of one.

Scott: Because a pegasus can fly around. A unicorn just has a horn.

Me: But a unicorn/pegasus has wings AND a horn. That's awesome.

Scott: Don't you think a unicorn is a little, um..."fancy"?

Me: No way. The horn could totally be used as a weapon, which makes the unicorn/pegasus a much manlier choice than just the pegasus alone.

Scott: That would be the fanciest weapon ever.

..........

Me: Did we really just have that conversation?

Scott: Yes, I think we did.

And that is why we are married to each other.

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Thursday, February 10, 2011

Midnight Rumble

Last night, I was slumbering peacefully, snugged up in my bed.

Then, somewhere in the distance, I heard a toilet flush.  And then stomping feet.  Coming directly towards me. 

I opened my eyes and encountered this:

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It was Owen.  And he was mad.

"MOMMY! I WANT TURN LIGHT OFF ALL MYSELF!"

I blinked.

"MOMMY!  I WANT TURN LIGHT OFF ALL MYSELF!"

I squinted at the clock.  2:30 a.m.

"MOMMY!"

I stared some more, because frankly, it is disconcerting to be awakened via a four year old scream head.

"MOMMY! I WANT TURN LIGHT OFF ALL MYSELF!"

"Well, then go turn it off," I mumbled.

"MOMMY!  YOU TURN LIGHT OFF BUT I WANT TURN LIGHT OFF ALL MYSELF!!!"

Then I remembered.  When it was time for bed a couple nights ago, I had turned off the light in his room by pulling on the ceiling fan cord rather than letting him switch if off via the wall.  Because otherwise he just blinks the light off and on all night and, well, that is not energy-efficient.  He was mad the night I turned it off, but he got over it. 

Or so I thought.

"MOMMY! I WANT TURN LIGHT OFF ALL MYSELF!"

I thought, in my half-sleep state, what the heck is going on here? Did my four year old really just get up in the middle of the night to pee and yell at me?  About something that happened two days ago??  And that I only did because I was trying to save the planet??

And then I realized Owen was sleep-walking.  And doing a little dream screaming, if you will.  Which I perfectly understand.  So I picked him right up, snugged him right into bed with me, and we both went back to sleep. 

This morning he woke up and was all smiles, until I said to him, "Owen, do you remember coming in my room last night?"

And he put his head down and mumbled, "I want turn light off all my-self."

Okay, so maybe he wasn't sleep-walking.

Boy can sure hold a grudge.  I'm kind of afraid to go to sleep tonight.

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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Strawberry Shotcake

Last night the kids and I went to my mom and dad's to watch the Super Bowl.  My mom has a big tub of toys that the children find highly desirable, and she's always adding new and exciting stuff to it.

Last night, Ashley discovered some new Strawberry Shortcake figurines in the big tub o' fun.



But she could not remember the names of Strawberry Shortcake's fruity little buddies, so she turned to me for help.

"Mommy, who's this girl?"


"Hmmm.  That is....Blueberry Muffin.  Yup, that's right.  Blueberry Muffin."

Ashley nodded.  "And mommy...who is this girl?"


"Ummmm, her name is Lemon Drop."

Then my mom chimed in from the kitchen..."Acutally, I think it's Lemon Meringue."

Yes, that's right, people. 

I confused the name of a cute, innocent little Strawberry Shortcake doll with the name of a shot.  One that I was particularly fond of in my early 20's.


Just goes to show you - you can take a mommy out of her 20's, but you can't take the 20's out of the mommy.  As long as you don't make her stay up past midnight.

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Saturday, February 5, 2011

Princess Stylez

So while the boys were busy sticking Spiderman stickers all over their birthday crowns last weekend, Ashley and I made gorgeous princess hats for ourselves.  She was so excited about this project.  She even made a "list" the night before of all the different crafting supplies we'd need.  Glue, scissors, markers, circly things, that black stuff, the shiny stuff...can you tell she's my daughter?

Anyway, the next day we got everything out and started crafting away.  (Don't look at her hair.  We had a severe Heidi braid malfunction that morning.  No need to worry - we're all fine now.)

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Ashley was having a blast, but as is the case with many five year olds, she has a severe glue addiction problem.  So all her little princess jewels kept sliding down the glue avalanche created by the slant of her princess hat.  It was quite frustrating.

So eventually, she switched to using stickers.  With a few pockets of glitter here and there.  Behold, Ashley's princess hat!

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To be honest, I thought it looked a little bit ghetto.  You know...like she was the princess from the wrong side of the kingdom.  So I offered to let her have mine, too.  I mean, it turned out so pretty.  So dainty.  So princessly perfect in every way.  See????

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She took one look at it and said "No thanks."

What the heck!?  Who wouldn't want my gorgeous princess hat!?  Does she not have any fashion sense whatsoever?!?!

I have a feeling this does not bode well for future shopping trips we may take together. 

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Friday, February 4, 2011

Not So Sweet Dreams

I tend to talk in my sleep.

Usually it's just garbled nonsense.

Although one time, I held an imaginary conference call.  Scott says I handled myself very well.

Another time, I muttered and then rolled over and punched him three times.  (He wasn't as impressed with that one.)

Last night, I screamed.  Loudly.  Scott was up later than me, and came running up the stairs thinking one of the children had died.  But it was just me doing a little dream screaming.

I can't even remember what I was dreaming about.  But I do remember his hands shaking as he calmed me down and I fell back to sleep.

Was I mad?  Scared?  Hungry?  (Don't judge me - I get low blood sugar.)  Who knows.

I think I need to take a cue from Ashley, who assures me every morning that her night was filled with lovely dreams of unicorns walking over rainbows.  No screaming material there.  Except for that one time, when she dreamt that Aidan turned into a hula girl.  Don't ask. 

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Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Growing Up Is Hard {For Me} To {Let Them} Do

My baby boys turned four this week.

This is I-M-P-O-S-S-I-B-L-E.

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I tried to get them to decorate cute little birthday crowns with me over the weekend, but all they wanted to do was put Spiderman stickers on them.

This is U-N-A-C-C-E-P-T-A-B-L-E.

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Where did these little boys come from?  Where did my babies go?

This is U-N-S-T-O-P-P-A-B-L-E.

***

The only thing that hasn't changed this year is how much I love them.

That...

is U-N-D-E-N-I-A-B-L-E.

***

Happy Birthday, Aidan and Owen.  I love you both.

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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Little Things That Make Me Stupid Excited: February 2011 Edition

It's the 1st of the month!  And you know what that means.  It's time to get STUPID excited!!!!

For those of you new to my blog, "Little Things That Make Me Stupid Excited" is a feature I post on the first day of each month. It's like Oprah's Favorite things - if Oprah was really cheap. And loved to shop at Kohl's.

Now, let me make clear that I am not hawking or reviewing products here. Nobody's paying me or providing me with anything. LTTMMSE is just a little outlet for me to exclaim over and dissect little materialistic things that make me ridiculously excited. Sidenote: It doesn't take much, people.

Grab the button below and link on up in the comments if you want to make your own list! I'd love to read what makes you STUPID excited too!! And if you'd like to see my past lists, they're all linked up on my LTTMMSE page.

Little Things That Make Me Stupid Excited


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I've got *TEN* stupidly exciting things for the month of February!  Let's get started, shall we?

*One*

Um, hi.  I got these GloDoodle thingies on a whim for Aidan and Owen for Christmas this year, and OMG they are only like the coolest thing EVER.  It's kinda like a magnadoodle, except you draw with the attached pen (or your finger works too) on a clear board and it shows up in neon.  You can change colors from green to red to yellow, and then erase it all with the push of a button.  I have no idea how it works.  It's just plain magic. 

It came with these 3-D glasses and cards that you can stick underneath it to trace, but my boys pay no attention to those features.  They just free-hand it.  But you know what my favorite thing about this toy is?  The boys take them to bed, and they act as a little transition to sleepy time/night-light toy.  Boys in bed + lights off + glo-doodles activated = mommy relief.

*Two*

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Sally Hansen makes a french manicure PEN!  And nobody told me!  Yes, I am stupidly excited about this!  My nails look fabulous and I did it all myself!  I found it at Target!

*Three*

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While we're on the subject of nails, I also found this Nail Artist Paint and Stencil Kit by Kiss at Target.  It comes with little stencil sticker thingies and three different polishes with a super fine brush to paint the stencils on.  So far I've used it twice and thought it worked great both times.  Pedicure schmedicure!  Now I can have cute feet for way cheaper than what a pedicure costs.

*Four*

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Boxed Sugar Cookies from Target

Is anyone else as addicted to these things as I am?  I looooove them.  L-O-V-E love them.  I bought 30 of them to hand out as "birthday treats" for Aidan and Owen's birthday celebration at preschool yesterday (which OMG, they are turning FOUR.  Stay tuned for a post about that.), but preschool got snowed out.  Oh, darnit.  WHAT am I going to do with 30 sugar cookies????  What could I possibly do with them...hmm hmm hmmmmmmmmm.  I mean, I can't let them go to waste, now can I?  No, of course not.  I simply must eat them.  There's nothing else to be done.

The things I do for my kids, I tell you.

*Five*


"Watch Now" Documentaries on Netflix

Okay, I know I'm kinda cheating on this one because I had Netflix on last month's list of LTTMMSE, but I just couldn't help myself.  I know I already talked about the "watch now" feature through the Wii and how I've been watching loads of documentaries, but I wanted to mention a few of them by name.  Oh, how I love a good documentary.  In fact, I wanted to be a documentary filmmaker once upon a time - true story.  Anyways, if you're a nerd like me and  like a little non-fiction in your movie repertoire, check some of these out and let me know what you think.

Man on Wire  (Wow.  Just...wow.)
Dear Zachary:  A Letter to A Son About His Father  (WARNING:  This one is sad.  I mean, it about killed me it was so sad.  Watch it at your own risk.)
Babies (Loved this.)

I've got about a million others in my instant queue that I haven't gotten around to watching, like The Cove, Grey Gardens, Radio Bikini....  Anyone have any other recommendations for me?

*Six*

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Elie Saab Spring Collection

Now going in a completely different direction, I got stupid excited when I saw Elie Saab's spring collection.  Now, I am not a fashion maven.  I don't even know who Elie Saab is.  But I know that these dresses are gorgeous.  I want them.  I want to be in a movie and win an Academy Award just so I can wear one of these dresses.  Maybe I could just wear one while I *watch* the Academy Awards on the couch in my family room.  Can you get Elie Saab at Kohl's?  ;-)

*Seven*


Even though I grew up and live in the midwest now, I did spend 4 years living in California when I was in college.  And there are two things I miss tremendously about California.  The beach, you ask?  The ocean?  The weather?

Nay.

1.  In n' Out; and
2.  Jamba Juice

So imagine my hysterical excitement when my mom called me the other day having spotted Jamba Juice smoothie mixes in the freezer aisle of Super Target.  I almost spontaneously combusted, no joke.  Now, the recipe on the back says to mix it with apple juice, but I use skim milk instead for a less sugary version.  I've tried the Razzmatazz and Strawberries Wild so far, and I give a slight edge to the Strawberries Wild.  Yum.  

*Eight*


My kids get dry, red, chapped skin in the winter on their faces.  For awhile I was doing aquaphor and vaseline and stuff b/c when I think chapped face, I think barrier ointment.  But then the pharmacist at Super Target recommended that we use this stuff instead, and now I bow down to the god of Cetaphil.  It's amazing and works like a dream on their skin.  I use it to moisturize my hands too and it does a great job.  

*Nine*

Preschool Artwork

Ashley painted this picture during free-time at preschool the other day.  When I asked her what it was, she said "It's a polar bear dreaming of hearts."  God, I love that kid.

*Ten*



You know, I loved 'Hey There Delilah' as much as the next person, but that song didn't hold a candle to this follow-up by the Plain White T's.  I love this song.  Love.   Everytime it comes on the radio, I do a little happy dance.

***

And there you have it!  Hope you enjoyed the February edition of LTTMMSE!
 
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