Wednesday, October 19, 2011

10 Minutes in the Life

Last night I was chipping toothpaste off the counter in the kids' bathroom (do they make a chemical for cleaning that?  Toothpaste-dissolve -o'matic or something?  I should invent it).  The kids were running amok in the hallway getting pajamas on.

I poked my head out the bathroom door and said "SERIOUSLY!!  We are having a tutorial on toothpaste squeezing tonight!"  Then I was back to chipping.  I thought about going downstairs to get a butter knife but the effort seemed too high, so I continued using one of Ashley's broken plastic headbands to chip chip chip away.

Then I heard the kids saying "Speaker 1, come in!"   "What, Speaker 2?"  "Speaker 3 is here!"

I looked out the door again.  They were using calculators from the Target dollar aisle as walkie-talkies.  Aidan, who was Speaker 1, began giving instructions to Ashley, who was Speaker 3.

Aidan:  Speaker 3, I need you to call all the bad guys!

Ashley:  What?

Aidan:  Call all the bad guys, Speaker 3!

Ashley:  Call them what?

Aidan:  Call all the bad guys so they be dead ALL WEEKEND.

Me:  I think he's saying kill all the bad guys, Speaker 2.

Owen:  Hey, I Number 2!

Me:  Heh.  Number 2.

Then I tried to talk them into arresting the bad guys instead of killing them, because seriously, what is it with all this violence.  Boys.  I swear they're born with built in finger guns and sound effects.

Then I was back to chipping.  Ashley came in and asked me for a comb.  "The boys want me to do their hair!" she said. "In the drawer," I said.

Two seconds later Owen ran in.  "MOMMY!  I NO WANT ASH-EE DO MY HAIR!!!!"

"Ashley, don't do the boys' hair."

"BUT MOMM-EE, I WANT ASH-EE DO MY HAIR!!!" hollered Aidan.

"Ashley, don't do Owen's hair."


Owen grumbles in.  "I want you to do my hair, Mommy."

I said "Okay, dude, but trust me, Ashley's really good at hair."

Owen grumbled out.  "Okay, Ash-ee, you can do my hair."

Chip chip chip.

"But Owen, I'm done doing hair.  Now I'm playing with Hello Kitty," says Ashley.


"Ashley, for God's sake do Owen's hair!" I holler back.

"Mommy, I don't think these pa-jam-jams fit me!" giggles Aidan as he shows me his exposed belly.

"Just don't raise your arms up," I reply.

"Mommy, I need to go poop," says Owen.

"Thanks, lovely to know."

"Mommy, look at my hair!" says Aidan.  He's now pulled his pajama shirt up to his hairline so he looks like a four year old nun wearing a Cars 2 habit.

Ashley starts laughing.

Aidan starts spinning.

Owen starts pooping.

I stop chipping.


"But Mommy, I want to play on your iPad!"

"But Mommy, I want to watch iCarly!"

"But Mommy, I POOPING!"

But my tank was empty.  So they went in their rooms.

And I went downstairs, exhausted.

Then I watched a Walking Dead marathon.  You know, I really sympathized with those zombies.  I really did.      



wonderchris said...

Awesome 10 minutes...I imagine your time with those kids is always quite lively! :)

Rochelle@AFamilyofLooneys said...

Lol I sympathize with the Zombies also. I couldn't help but laugh Megan. That totally sounds like my house.

MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) said...

Sometimes I think, if there were a camera (or maybe even worse, just a recorder) in here, no one would believe this exchange. I think it just speaks to a mom's super powers, though. ;)

Marcia (123 blog) said...


it could be our house only with more whining and more of both me and Connor saying, "Kendra, stop whining"


Katherine said...

How many of those moments, those "did we really just have this conversation" moments, do we have? I love how you captured what is in essence just a completely normal part of life with kids and made it awesome!

Jen said...

Only some one with kids would know how exhausting 10 minutes can be.

championm2000 said...

Makes chipping toothpaste seem easy, huh?

Holly Ann said...

I sympathize with zombies everyday. lol

Kmama said...

Isn't it crazy what can happen in a mere 10 minutes? And I bet you still didn't get all that toothpaste off. LOL