How did I keep myself awake, you ask?
That's easy. By listening to Top 40 radio. Well, except for that one little area where I can only get the Spanish-speaking radio station. Then I do a lot of seated salsa dancing, which is entirely possible if you have enough attitude.
But I digress.
So, anyways, I listened to a lot of Top 40 radio that day. And I noticed something verrrrry interesting about many of today's songs. Well, maybe it's not that interesting. But it certainly seemed fascinating to me after 2 hours in the car and one too many replays of La Bamba.
What I noticed was a little phenomenon I have dubbed "The Clarifying Rap".
Oh, you know what I'm talking about. You have your Top 40 singer, singing about love and sex and getting all dirty with the lyrics. It's sooooo obvious what they're singing about, right?
Well, apparently not to everyone.
Because about half-way through the song, the Top 40 singer backs off and in comes the "Clarifying Rapper" to hit us over the head with what the Top 40 singer was already singing about.
Take, for example, Katy Perry's E.T.
There is little Katy Perry, singing about vibrating and getting hit with lasers and being infected with loving .... der, pretty obvious what she is talking about.
But then Kanye needs to come in and clarify it for us, just in case.
Tell me what's next, alien sex
I'mma disrobe you, than I'mma probe you
See I abducted you, so I tell ya what to do
I tell ya what to do, what to do, what to do
Um, ew. Also, I think Kanye might have some control issues, just sayin'.
I was going to give Lil' Wayne's cameo in Mike Posner's "Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow" as further evidence of the Clarifying Rap, but upon further investigation into the lyrics of that song I realized Wayne (can I just call him Wayne after I've already referred to him once in the same paragraph?) really doesn't add much clarification. But maybe he just wasn't doing his job properly. Who knows.
So there you go. The Clarifying Rap. You learn something new every day. Oh, and something else I learned - I will not let my kids listen to Top 40 radio EVER. Holy cannoli.
P.S. Can you do me a favor and click on the button below and vote for Twinsomnia at Circle of Moms? I'm about to fall out of the Top 25. Boo to the hoo.