So, there I was, cruising around on the internet on Tuesday morning, minding my own business, la-tee-dah, when I came across the following article on Fox News.
"Well, now, doesn't that sound interesting," I thought to myself. *Click!*
And I started to read about Justin Bieber, who I don't care what you say, I've always thought was a cutie. Baby, Baby, Baby Ohhhhhhhhhhh! Baby, Baby, Baby Ohhhhhhhh!
Anyway, there I was reading. Thinking about how popular this guy is with the preteen ladies, and how I don't blame them one bit. And then I got to thinking about my own preteen years and my various crushes and what not. Oh, River Phoenix! Oh, Corey Haim! Oh, other 80's teen idols who didn't listen to Nancy Reagan and are most likely dead by now! Oh, how I loved and longed for you! It seems just like yesterday, doesn't it?
Well, that's what I was thinking. Until I got to this part of the story.
"Pattie Mallette, Bieber's mom, was celebrating her 35th birthday Saturday while her son was performing in Berlin. At the end of the show, Bieber called her on stage to present her with a birthday cake as the audience sang "Happy Birthday." As Mallette leaned in to blow out her candles, a few strands of her hair came too close to the flames and caught fire. Bieber immediately noticed and patted down his mother's hair to put out the fire."
"So what, Megan?" you are thinking. "Justin Bieber saved his momma from a fiery death, he is a hero. What could you possibly find upsetting about that?"
Well, let me tell you.
It's because of a little something in that paragraph that you might have skipped over if you're easily distracted by things like flaming hair. But not me. Oh, I noticed this little snippet right away. It's the part that says this:
"Pattie Mallette, Bieber's mom, was celebrating her 35th birthday Saturday..."
And there you have it. Justin Bieber's mom just turned 35. And as you may remember, I turned 35 back in December.
Not only am I older than Justin Bieber, I am older than Justin Bieber's MOTHER.
I repeat: I am older than Justin Bieber's MOTHER.
That is unacceptably old. And I do not like it one little bit. In fact, I refuse to accept it. I am not old enough to have a Bieber. And that's all there is to it.
Although I did stop by Walgreens on my way home from work to buy some anti-wrinkle face cream. Just in case.