Sunday, February 20, 2011

Spa Day Recap

So, I had my spa day on Saturday. And it was fabulous.

The first thing I had done was a facial. Now, getting a facial can be kind of a disconcerting experience. Basically because they blow hot steamy air directly in your airstream the whole time, wrap your face up in hot towels with only your nose poking out, shine bright lights on you and perform "extractions" (which is a fancy way to say "pop your zits), smear cream on your face with a warning that it may "tingle" but if it starts to "burn" to give a shout out, and make semi-reassuring declarations that your skin doesn't look "that bad".

So, in other words, you kind of feel like you're suffocating while someone pinches your face and insults you.

But, if you can get through all that, a facial is truly lovely. My best advice is to just surrender to the experience. Otherwise you might panic, and trust me - nobody's going to hear your muffled screams under all those hot towels.

After my facial, I was signed up for a massage. Now, I've never had a massage before, except that one time I had a prenatal massage when I was pregnant with Ashley. And that one was kind of lame because the lady masseuse kept telling me she couldn't use too much pressure or else it might put me in labor. Which was kind of weird, because it's not like I was asking her to massage my cervix or anything. But whatever.

So, I was kind of nervous about getting the massage in general, but also because I was scheduled with a dude masseuse. And you know, getting all naked and oily in a room with candles and soft music is something I don't normally do with a guy unless he's bought me a drink first. But what can you do.

So the dude comes to get me, and I look like a fright because the facial lady had already had her way with me. He takes me in the room, explains how it will all work, and then steps out so I can get naked and under the sheets on the table.  Now let me tell you, it was quite complicated getting on that table. He had left me with explicit instructions to lie face down, under the sheets, with my ankles hanging over this ankle roll thingy under the covers. However, the ankle roll thingy was all the way at the end of the table. So there I was, tucked under the covers, face in the face hole contraption, searching desperately with my feet to track down this ankle thingy, getting more and more discombobulated by the second. Then he knocked and said "Ready?" and no I was NOT ready but what do you say at that point other than "Come in," so that's what I said.

Anyway, this guy was AMAZING.  A.MAZ.ING.  I swear to God, I've had back pain since I was pregnant with Ashley, and I don't know what this dude did, but I have felt WONDERFUL ever since I left.  It felt like he was pushing the muscles in my back back between the right bones, which probably makes no medical sense but that's why I'm a lawyer not a doctor.  Anyway, it was great.

After he was finished I said "Thank you" and then felt kind of dirty.  Going to a salon to pay a man to oil me up and rub me down...the whole thing is weird, if you think about it too much.  Which of course I always do.

Anyway, after the massage Brandi and I had a glass of champagne, which we had to drink on the sly since the state apparently does not allow liquor in beauty salons.  I kind of felt like I needed a cigarette too, but Brandi didn't have any of those. 

Then it was off to the pedicure/manicure portion of the day, which was much more pleasant for my psyche.  I got french on my fingers and an earthy brown color on my toes.  Love it. 

By the time I got home, 5 hours had passed and I was a greasy, oily, very relaxed little lady.  Scott went out with friends that night so I just laid on the couch and watched a marathon of all the Oprah's I recorded that week.  (Roseanne Barr is funny.  So is Debbie Reynolds.  Ilyana whoever is weird, and she wears very swishy earrings.  And I am very glad I don't have a 7 year old who has tried to kill me with a kitchen knife.)

All in all, it was an extremely girly, relaxing, oily day.  No smoothies though.  Oh well - you can't have everything.  ;-)

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20 comments:

Funny in My Mind said...

I felt the same way when I had a facial.
I love massages!
I am happy you had such a relaxing adventure! You should do it more often, you work hard and deserve it.

Holly Ann said...

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Helene said...

You know, I've never had a facial and now after reading this I probably never will. I'm totally claustraphobic so I could see myself freaking out underneath all the towels!

Aren't massages great?! Love them!!!

Belle n' Kent said...

That was so great!!! I didn't think you could possibly make me want a spa day, but...well, you did. :) LOVED it! Oooh! Oooh! Especially the massage part! That sounded DEEE-VINE!

Rebecca said...

Your description of a facial...insulting you after they've pinched your face...is dead on! Especially the "you don't look that bad" part! YIKES!!! I still love them though.

You are a dirty girl for paying that guy...my only massage with a dude was when he had a cold and all I could hear was his snotty nose...gross. Glad yours was better.

I hope my kid doesn't try to kill me either...that would suck.

Annette said...

It sounds like you had an absolutely blissful day. I have a massage gift certificate from my birthday...I'm just waiting for the right day. Yes, I had tons of them during my pre-baby years--I got rid of any guilt because I'd always make my husband come with me to get one too! Glad your back feels WONDERFUL!

gringationcancun said...

So jealous! I've never had a massage.

Lo0ve your descriptions, as always

Cindy said...

YEA!! sooo glad your day out went well. I love massages. It's been a while, but they always make me feel sooo much better.

MommaKiss said...

You had never had a real massage before? Gasp!! I'm going on Saturday.

sara said...

So jealous...I need to get to a spa pronto...and also find someone to pay for it :D

Brandy@YDK said...

There is a new dude masseuse at the place i go and I'm scared to try him. But I've heard they do it better. I feel dirty just typing that.

Katherine said...

Believe it or not, I've never had a single one of those things. But it sounds divine. And it's making me rethink my next vacation. Who needs family time? I'm going to the spa.

Life is Like a Box of Chocolates said...

Love to treat myself and hubs with massages at the spa! I also enjoy a good facial and going for mani's/pedi's! I should probably feel bad, treating myself every now and again! What can I say; I'm a girly girl!

Barbara Manatee said...

The first time I had a facial I seriously almost flipped out, thinking I was going to suffocate!

The whole day sounds amazing. I have a Snow Day tomorrow and am seriously debating calling the salon to see if they can fit me in for an appointment.

Samantha said...

This sounds heavenly. I shall live vicariously through you until I can get to the spa myself (not sure when that will be!!)
Glad you had a great day :)
Samantha

Danae said...

I had a massage once and it was lovely. I love your descriptions- they always make me laugh!

wonderchris said...

Sounds like it was an awesome present!! :)

Liz said...

by "spa day" it really was a whole day! I'm glad you had a great spa time as well as great girl time.

Steph said...

Glad you got the chance to enjoy some girly oily time! I actually read this post right before going to sleep last night, and I dreamed that I was in a hotel, trying to get to the spa, but I kept taking the wrong elevator or people would distract me or something. Then the girls woke me up. Poo...can't even get a massage in my dreams!

Krystyn said...

I'm totally with you on the facial. I had to ask them to stop the steam. I thought I was suffocating!

Now, the massage? Heck yes. Bring it.