On Tuesday night, I am going to see a psychic. Let us call him "Psychic Dave," because that is pretty close to but not exactly the same as his actual moniker. Plus, it sounds funny.
I am not quite sure how I found myself in the position of seeing Psychic Dave on a spring evening in April.
Scratch that - I do know how.
It all started back when my girlfriends and I decided to call a spade a spade and throw in the towel on our monthly "Book Club." No books had been read since circa 2005, and considering I didn't join until 2007 that is really saying something.
Of course this didn't mean that we would stop gathering on a monthly basis. To the contrary, we simply renamed "Book Club." After tossing around various ideas like "Unhealthy Snack Club" and "Escape Your Children Club", we finally settled on "Thursday Therapy." Because that won't raise any eyebrows at all if your secretary looks at your Outlook calendar.
Anyways, a month or so ago, we escaped our children and gathered at Old Chicago for some unhealthy snacks (Damn, those names are so apropos. Maybe we need to switch. Plus, they would have really nice acronyms, which would look super fancy on my Outlook calendar (e.g., 6:00p.m. - EYCC). My secretary would think I'm really important. And then maybe she wouldn't yell at me when I ask her to photo copy stuff).
Also, does it say something about your writing ability when you have to start out every paragraph with "Anyways..."?
Anyways, back to Old Chicago. I was busy eating a giant cookie when one of my friends proposed seeing a psychic for April's edition of Thursday Therapy. So needless to say, I was distracted.
So without fully thinking it through, I agreed that obtaining psychic predictions sounded like a super fun thing to do.
Now that I have had time for further reflection, I have realized that nothing good can come of this. People like me are not meant to see psychics, for the following reasons.
(1) If he tells me anything good is going to happen, I will not believe him.
(2) If he tells me anything bad is going to happen, I will believe him 100%.
Cynicism - it's powerful stuff. Only outmatched by it's less glamorous cousin...pessimism.
But nonetheless, I will be seeing Psychic Dave tomorrow evening. And I am supposed to come armed with a list of questions of "Things I Want to Know."
Except I cannot for the life of me think of anything.
I'm not going to worry about it, though. Psychic Dave should already know what I'm going to ask, so I'll just ask him to tell me tomorrow. Problem solved.
He's going to love me.