Monday, April 26, 2010

The Road not Taken...Yet

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On Tuesday night, I am going to see a psychic.  Let us call him "Psychic Dave," because that is pretty close to but not exactly the same as his actual moniker.  Plus, it sounds funny.

I am not quite sure how I found myself in the position of seeing Psychic Dave on a spring evening in April.

Scratch that - I do know how.

It all started back when my girlfriends and I decided to call a spade a spade and throw in the towel on our monthly "Book Club."  No books had been read since circa 2005, and considering I didn't join until 2007 that is really saying something. 

Of course this didn't mean that we would stop gathering on a monthly basis.  To the contrary, we simply renamed "Book Club."  After tossing around various ideas like "Unhealthy Snack Club" and "Escape Your Children Club", we finally settled on "Thursday Therapy."  Because that won't raise any eyebrows at all if your secretary looks at your Outlook calendar.

Anyways, a month or so ago, we escaped our children and gathered at Old Chicago for some unhealthy snacks (Damn, those names are so apropos.  Maybe we need to switch.  Plus, they would have really nice acronyms, which would look super fancy on my Outlook calendar (e.g.,  6:00p.m.  - EYCC).  My secretary would think I'm really important.  And then maybe she wouldn't yell at me when I ask her to photo copy stuff).

Also, does it say something about your writing ability when you have to start out every paragraph with "Anyways..."?

Anyways, back to Old Chicago.  I was busy eating a giant cookie when one of my friends proposed seeing a psychic for April's edition of Thursday Therapy.  So needless to say, I was distracted.

 "Yum."

So without fully thinking it through, I agreed that obtaining psychic predictions sounded like a super fun thing to do.

Now that I have had time for further reflection, I have realized that nothing good can come of this. People like me are not meant to see psychics, for the following reasons.

(1)  If he tells me anything good is going to happen, I will not believe him.

(2)  If he tells me anything bad is going to happen, I will believe him 100%.

Cynicism - it's powerful stuff.  Only outmatched by it's less glamorous cousin...pessimism.

But nonetheless, I will be seeing Psychic Dave tomorrow evening.  And I am supposed to come armed with a list of questions of "Things I Want to Know."

Except I cannot for the life of me think of anything.

I'm not going to worry about it, though.  Psychic Dave should already know what I'm going to ask, so I'll just ask him to tell me tomorrow.  Problem solved.

He's going to love me.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Clash of the Carbohydrates

Scott had a birthday last week. Now he is 34 years old, just like me. I told him I thought we were officially middle-aged now, but he said that doesn't happen until you turn 45.

I like his way of thinking.

We decided to celebrate by going out to dinner on Friday night.  On his actual birthday night (Thursday), I sent him off to the driving range and to see a movie with one of his friends - "Clash of the Titans."

I haven't seen it yet, and I'm not sure I want to.  Not because I think it looks dumb or silly, but because I'm a fiercely loyal fan of the dumbness and silliness of the original.  Love it - cheesy special effects, mechanical owls, talking statue heads and all.  So I don't know if I can accept the remade version.  However, I do want to see that one part where Zeus goes "RELEASE the Kraken!!"  Because that just looks awesome in the commercial.

So Friday night rolled around, and Scott and I headed off to dinner at this little joint called The Pink Poodle.  It's an oooooold-school steakhouse in a tiny town in Iowa.  To get there, we drove until the interstate ended.  Like literally.  The interstate comes to a stop, you turn left, and there's this little restaurant right in the middle of nowhere. 

On our way there, I grilled Scott about "Clash of the Titans."  Was it as good as the original?  Was the plot the same?  Was Bubo in it?  Was Medusa still scary as sh*t? Was it totally awesome when Zeus said "RELEASE the Kraken!!"?  Luckily, we had a 45 minute drive so I got to hear all the details before we finally arrived.

Now by the time we got there, I was hungry.  First, because the drive was long.  And second, because I'd starved myself all day in preparation.  A granola bar for breakfast + a bagel for lunch = room for a 12 oz prime rib plus bread plus salad plus a baked potato for dinner.  Amen.

I could not wait to eat.  Unfortunately, our waitress was a bit busy when we were first seated, so she didn't come over to our table for awhile.  So I food stalked other people's tables, watching their prime ribs and salads and bread loaves being delivered.  I could barely focus on anything.  My blood sugar was dropping precariously low.  I reached for the only food available - a basket of crackers in the center of the table.  I struggled with the package of crackers, trying to get it open.  I didn't think I could do it.

And then Scott said, in a voice that sounded just like Zeus himself:

"RELEASE the Cracker!!"

So I did it.  I released that cracker.  And I haven't stopped laughing about it since.

Clash of the Titans will never be the same again.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Upcoming Review

Guess what?  I've been asked to review a product for CSN Stores here on my blog!  CSN Stores sell oodles and oodles of stuff like cribs and toys and pretty much anything else you could ever think of, and they want little old me to review a product.

That's right.  I've hit the big time.

Air kisses all around.

More information coming soon, to a blog near you (i.e., this one.  just in case it wasn't obvious).

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Backyard Date Night

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Except we both forgot the marshmallows.  Oh well, there's always next time.

Or...

We could just kick it up a notch and go straight to s'mores.

Oh yeah.  I said it.

The neighbors will be scandalized.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Reflections of a Twin Mama

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When Scott and I first found out we were having identical twins, we were thrilled.  THRILLED.  Then a kill-joy maternal-fetal medicine specialist came in the ultrasound room and got us all freaked out about TTTS and down syndrome risks and neurological what-have-you's.  But for the 5 minutes we had before she came in, we were THRILLED. 

Because at that time, we didn't think about how there'd be twice as many diapers.  Or how the heck I was going to nurse two babies at once while wrangling an 18-month old, too.  Or how a good night's sleep would become a distant memory.

We were total newbies.  Newbies who thought that twins were just plain awesome

Now, I'm a seasoned twin mama.  I know all the issues and challenges that face parents raising twins, especially identical twins.  Issues like how do we help them grow as individuals.  Should we keep them in the same class at school or separate them.  And how do we give them each the individualized attention that they deserve.  As a member of the twin mama club, I'm supposed to understand and appreciate that raising twins is complicated.

But when I look at my two boys, barely three years old, as they head off to kick a soccer ball back and forth between them, entirely of their own volition, all I can think is...

Man, twins are just plain awesome.

Monday, April 12, 2010

It Matters If You Win or Lose - Oh, it Matters.

It was a cold and cloudy Saturday morning, 9:30 a.m. to be exact.  And it was flipping FREEZING out. I set up camp on the ground with a blanket around my shoulders and the twins in my lap.

You know, that is one very good thing about having twins.  They keep you toasty warm at times like these.

We had gathered on the lawn of the elementary school at this early hour for Ashley's first soccer game.  Her teammates were fellow 3 to 4 year-olds who had signed up to play on the YMCA Mighty Kickers team (no experience required).  Her team would be coached by none other than my courageous husband, Scott.

Scott shall henceforth be referred to as "Coach,"  per his YMCA issued uniform.

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Scott was selected as Coach through a rigorous recruitment process.  Basically somebody at the Y called him up and he said "I'll do it if nobody else will."  And thus out of apathy, a Coach was born.

Luckily, the coach on the opposing team recognized that it was FREEZING and that no other parents had brought twins with them to keep themselves warm, so she and Coach decided to skip the 20 minutes allotted to "practice time" and go straight to the game.

The first half was kind of rough.  Ashley got frustrated that she didn't make a goal.  Or maybe it was because she was thirsty.  She told Coach she wanted to make a goal and me that she was thirsty, so who knows.

Just in case it was thirst, Coach fueled her up good at halftime.

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In the meantime, my heating sources escaped to play soccer with Nana.  Traitors!

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During the second half, a little Mia Hamm was born (thankfully minus the shirt-removing tendencies).  Ashley scored THREE goals!  Two in the right goal, and one for the other team. But hey, who's counting right?

(ME, bitches!  We still beat the purples even if you counted all the goals we scored for them!  Suck it, purples!)

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Ahem.  Sorry about that.  I meant to say that everybody was a winner!  At least in spirit.

Oh, and Ashley did not do any victory dances.  She was much too focused.  I, on the other hand, might have victory danced a little.  But just to keep myself warm, I swear.

Friday, April 9, 2010

2010 Ultimate Blog Party!

Ultimate Blog Party 2010

Hellooooooo 5 Minutes For Mom Ultimate Blog Party participants!  Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Let me tell you, this party is going to be a rager.  I've got snacks, I've got music, I've got jugglers...

Actually I don't have any of that.

But I do have some fun recent posts for your reading enjoyment, all about the shenanigans of me (Megan), my husband (Scott), our 4 year old daughter (Ashley) and our 3 year old twin boys (Aidan and Owen). 

Click for the hijinks!

When You Wish Upon a Star Wars

This is Why I Don't Post Craft Projects on My Blog

State of the Hair

The Bug

I bet you're glad you stopped by!!!!  I mean, what could be more exciting than a reading party????

Right?

*chirp chirp*

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Victory Dance Mom

On a scale of one to ten...

How obnoxious would it be for my 4 year old daughter to do a victory dance if she gets a goal at her first-ever soccer game on Saturday?

Because she's already practicing.  The victory dance.  And the soccer playing.  But mostly the victory dance. 

And no, I didn't teach it to her.  She was born with an excessive celebration gene. 

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Victory dances come with the territory.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Death by Barbecue

I almost died on Saturday night.

But let me back up a bit.

On Saturday night, our lovely friends Brian and Brandi came over to barbecue and get their asses whooped in Wii Mario Kart.  Have I ever mentioned here on the blog that Scott and I are experts at Mario Kart?  It is truly intimidating to see us in action.  If you are a 10 year old boy.

Anyway, we were very much looking forward to seeing them.  Brian had been marinating steaks for approximately 2 days.  We always make Brian cook when they come over because he does things like, well, marinate steaks for 2 days.  You can't beat that.  Anyway, these steaks were something special.  They were from Brian and Brandi's own personal 1/2 cow, which Brandi had lovingly dubbed Elsie.  Or was it Bessie?  I'm confusing my cow names. Anyway, we were looking forward to seeing what Elsie/Bessie had to offer as Brandi and Brian assured us she was delicious.

Are any vegetarians still reading this?  Sorry guys, I'm from Nebraska - it can't be helped. 

So after awhile, Scott and Brian decided it was time to get down to barbecuing business and fired up the grill to pre-heat.  Then they went to the store, leaving Brandi and I behind with the kids.  Brandi was reading one of the twins a story while I was stuffing the other one into his pajamas and lord knows what Ashley was doing when all of a sudden Brandi started pointing out the window and making strange sounds.  I turned around and saw that the grill was on fire.

Let me repeat for emphasis.  The grill was on FIRE.  Like flames shooting out in every direction fire.  Like "Holy shit, the grill is on fire!" fire.  Like "Oh my God, I am going to burn to death!" fire.  Brandi was the brave one out of the two of us...she ran out and turned the thing off.  I cowered inside and called Scott on my cell phone.

"Hello?"

"The grill is on FIRE!"

"What?"

"The grill is on FIRE!!!!!!!"

"Well go turn it off."

Now, I must digress here to let it be known that I have a tendency to be a bit, shall we say....over-sensitive.  Oh fine, I'm a drama queen.  So Scott didn't really take me seriously.  In fact, I think he even told me at one point that it wasn't going to kill me.

Au contraire, mon frere.  Or whatever you say when a barbecue is trying to kill you.   

I hunted around under the sink for our fire extinguisher, which apparently we didn't bring with us when we moved here from Saint Louis.  (Note to Self:  Buy new fire extinguisher.)  Not finding anything, I ran out to the backyard with Brandi to try and appear useful by yelling at the barbecue to stop burning.  I think it helped because it finally started to burn itself out just as Brian and Scott got home.  

After it was all over, I was still a little freaked, because OMG FIRE.  But then I got even more freaked when I realized that Brandi and I had been running around outside next to a flaming barbecue within inches of a propane tank.

Yes, you read that right.  We could have been EXPLODED to death.  That's even scarier than fire.  Even non-drama queens would agree.

R.I.P. Barbecue.  You lived a good life, even if you turned on me at the end.  And R.I.P. Elsie/Bessie.  Sorry you had to be cooked under the broiler instead of on the barbecue.  You were still delicious even so.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Easter Redux

We did soooooooo many things today.

We dyed Easter eggs...

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We dressed up in our Easter finest...

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We kicked ass and took names in our Easter egg hunt...

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We pouted when cousin Leo found the golden egg...

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We blew lots and lots of bubbles...

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And we ate entirely too much candy.  Operation Sugar Detox commencing...

tomorrow.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

40 Days and 40 Nights, Give or Take A Couple Weeks

I think I've been working too much lately.

Last night I got home "early", around 6:30. I flopped on the couch and Scott and I began to discuss patio furniture.

(oh, the excitement)

We then moved on to discuss shrubbery.

I said "Wait, we can't buy shrubbery yet. It's the middle of March. We could still get snow."

Scott looked at me for a minute and said "Tomorrow's April 1st."

So I said, "April Fool's!" Because what else do you say when you realize you just forgot two weeks of your life.

I hear Easter is this weekend, too. Better get on that.