Friday, December 10, 2010

Kids Are Gross

At 5:00 this morning, I was awakened by a warm sensation spreading throughout the lower half of my body.

It was pleasant at first, until I realized I was being peed upon.

(One of the things I never knew before becoming a parent is just how many ways there are to wake a person up via bodily fluid.  The possibilities are endless.  Just ask my kids.)

Anyway, I got up, removed the offending child from the bed, and warned Scott not to roll over.  Then I got myself and said child cleaned up, put said child back in his/her own bed, and then woke Scott up again so we could change our sheets.

We were both in a griping state of tiredness as we stripped the bed.  "These kids need to learn to stay in their own beds," I may have muttered.  "This is ridiculous," Scott may have answered back.

Pretty soon we were tucked back in, but the conversation continued.

"We gotta buy that one book.  That book about teaching your kids to stay in bed," Scott said.

"Yeah, we do.  What was it called again?" I asked.

"I can't remember," said Scott.

"Me either," I said.

"I think it was something like 'If You're Gonna Wet the Bed, Wet Your Own F*ckin' Bed'", said Scott.

And then I caught a serious case of the giggles.

I did some research on Amazon this morning.  Apparently, it's actually called The Sleep Fairy.  However, I like Scott's title much better, don't you? 
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23 comments:

Funny in My Mind said...

Scott should write his own, funnier version of the book.
My sister's kids are 4 and 6 and they still get in her bed and pee on her every night.
Mine just peed in their own beds but always woke me up to change them.
Who needs stinkin' sleep??

Kristen said...

That's funny. I would totally buy his book.

Sheila said...

ha!!! Yes - scott's title rocks! Maybe you should just write your own book and then you can use your own title!

sara said...

I would totally buy a book with Scott's title!

kellemel said...

LOVE Scott's title. We were feeling it too last night - Bridget has started to climb out of her crib and last night we found her next to our bed begging for her paci. Sigh. Thus it begins, the terrible 2's. :-)

Jen said...

I am having the same issues over here. I had no idea there was a book for that. Can you read it and the make a post about how it works so that I don't have to read it but I really would like to have my kids sleep in their own beds and not wake me up. Please. ;)

Rochelle@AFamilyofLooneys said...

LOL I love your husband's title. I always love it when my kids throw up in the middle of the night and then I step in it. Ahhh the joys of parenthood.

Sadia said...

I'd buy Scott's version in a heartbeat.

We have waterproof mattress pads on all the beds in the house, just in case. The girls haven't had a night accident in over two years, but you never know ...

wonderchris said...

Scott's title RULES!!! "Sleep Fairy" just doesn't convey the seriousness required. :)

Brooke G. said...

I am gonna wet my bed/chair because this made me laugh so hard!!!! :D
Love his version and it would probably be a BEST SELLER. You guys may be onto something :D

Life is Like a Box of Chocolates said...

Hilarious!

MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) said...

He was close! Bwahahaha!!!

gringationcancun said...

I'm tempted to say "Well now I'm never having kids!"

But then again I have 3 dogs who do the exact same thing, so it really wouldn't be much different.

Marcia (123 blog) said...

Oh my word - it never even occurred to me that they'd get in my bed to pee!

I'm verrrrrrrrrrry scared.

MelissaLouise said...

so, so funny! I love this post. :)

Cheryl said...

Ha! That made me laugh out loud! Pee in your own effing bed, indeed!

Danae said...

My hubby and I had a good laugh. So far, none of our kids have come into our bed to pee, prefering their own. But you are right about the multiple ways bodily fluids can wake parents up. Blech!

Katherine said...

I have been peed on more times that I would like to admit. I think Scott's title works with my husband's parenting style.

Liz said...

Scott's title would sell more books, for sure.

Holly Ann said...

I think Scott needs to write his own version of the book! LOL

Rebecca said...

I wish Scott would write a book!

Crap, don't you hate when you think of something that you think is really witty and then see it right above where your comment will post? Yeah...me too.

The Lane Family said...

Scott's title was AWESOME and my husband so agrees with it. We too have been recipients of the nice warm, wet feeling :)

You two should write a book because it would be so true and so darn funny!!

Sarah said...

Scott's title is definitely awesome. Does he have any more re-titles that you can share?