Monday, December 13, 2010

Christmas Status Update

Judging by the amount of hits I had on my Thanksgiving Status Update post last month, there were tons of people out there looking for help in writing funny, witty and interesting Thanksgiving status updates to impress their facebook friends. 

Well, never fear, google searchers.  Because I am back this month to assist you with even funnier, even wittier, and even more interesting status updates for you to use during the Christmas season!  Feel free to take these status updates and use them on your own facebook pages!  I promise you, your facebook friends will idolize you!   Your ex-boyfriend and/or girlfriend will wonder why they ever broke up with you!  Your relatives will start to love you again!  Those popular kids from high school will want to build a time machine so they can travel back to sophomore year and invite you to sit at their lunch table! 

Again, I know that it is surprising that I would just gift you all with these free status updates for the taking.  But that is the true meaning of Christmas, is it not?  Tis better to give than to receive.  (Although that extra $0.08 I'll make on adsense from the increased traffic is awfully enticing, I must admit.)

Well, without further ado, here they are - Christmas status updates that will keep your facebook friends coming back for more.


  • Just finished baking and decorating the sugar cookies.  Now it's time to trim the tree and then its off to sing Christmas carols with my darling [two][three] children and my incredibly good-looking [husband][wife]!  My life is perfect!  And so much better than yours, no offense!

  • Post this as your facebook status if you're proud to celebrate the TRUE meaning of Christmas - Jesus dying to save us from our sins!   Thanks Jesus!

  • Overheard in the MangerMary:  Joseph, I just had a freaking baby.  No, three foreign men cannot come into the barn, I don't care what they're bringing.  Joseph:  But Mary, they've got gold!  Gold, I tell you!  Don't you know how much swaddling clothes cost these days!?  And don't get me started on how bad we need a new donkey.

  • I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus.  Whore!

  • In the immortal words of Mariah Carey, all I want for Christmas is you.  Also, I can hardly wait for another taste of your honey.

  • Got everything I wanted for Christmas this year.  Beautiful family, friends, food on the table and a roof over our heads.  Oh, and an iPad.  SUCK IT, LOSERS!

  • Little [insert your child's name] just asked me if Santa Claus wasn't real.  :-(  I said, 'Well, no he's not.  And thanks for ruining Christmas.'  Kids are so selfish.

  • Deck the halls with bows of Holly!  Who the hell is Holly anyway?  And why is she always bowing?

  • 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for my gastrointestinal tract...  Too much cheese...oof.

  • On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....[insert something totally crappy].  Gee, thanks honey.

  • On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....[insert something totally awesome].  Gee, thanks honey!

And my absolute favorite...

  • [Insert absolutely anything.  Follow it with:]  'Tis the season!

Works every time.

And, I could go on and on.  It's a wonder that I don't have ten million facebook friends, with all these witty facebook status updates pouring out of my brain, right?  Right?



Kmama said...

I'll have to use that last one. ;-)

Krystyn said...

I might have to use some of them...I know a Holly, too...but I think it's boughs, not bows. Then again, she might like some bows, too!

The Lane Family said...

Those are so darn funny...the one about Mary and Joseph was so darn funny and those who have babies would feel the same way about three strange men coming in!!

Brandy@YDK said...

we are so luck to have you.

wonderchris said...

That donkey of Mary & Joseph's just kinda gave out I guess. Time for a new one!!

Those are all awesome!!

Steph said...

The donkey did travel a long way, carrying a pregnant lady. Mary needs to stop whining.

Your list of status updates will surely not disappoint those looking for one!

Big Momma said...

The true meaning of Christmas gave me a good giggle. And I'm Jewish. :)


Holly Ann said...

The Mary and Joseph one is hysterical! I also got a good chuckle out of the true meaning one (even being an atheist). And the one about Holly, well...that was just weird I guess since that's my name! ;p

Thanks for sharing these!!

MommaKiss said...

I'm so posting the "suck it losers" - my fb people already think i'm an ass anyway. this is perfect..

Anonymous said...

The Mariah Carey and the iPad ones are my faves!

'Tis the season, right? ;)

Funny in My Mind said...

Mary didn't have to pay for braces. Twice. And college. Twice.
Love the sayings!
I still love "Jesus is the reason for the season"
And seriously, my dining room is the only room I can photograph because the others are filthy. ha!
Thanks for the sweet comments!

Anonymous said...

I needed this laugh so bad, you have no idea. I'm crying like, FOR REAL tears from laughing so hard.

And I freakin' love you, mama.

Danae said...

"Suck it LOSERS!" Bahahaha! I'm so using that, even though I'm pretty sure I won't be receiving an iPad. Maybe I could use it for when I get new socks (that I bought myself)? :)

MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) said...

These are classic. I'm keeping score on how many of these I see on FB during the holidays. :)