Thursday, September 2, 2010
They Don't Call it a "Dragon" Fly for Nothing
So, yesterday, I was driving home from work.
Wait, let me back up.
Yesterday I was driving home from work and I really had to pee. And then Scott called me and said, "Hey, I just ordered wings and pizza from Oscar's."
So I said, "Oh yum, that sounds good." And then strictly as a courtesy only, I said "Do you want me to go pick it up?"
And he said "Oh, yeah, that would be great. It'll be ready in 25 minutes so that's actually perfect timing."
Scott never asks me to go pick up the food. So now I needed to back track. "Oh, really? Well, sure I guess I can go. I just really have to pee, though." Plus, I had a pimple on my chin that I had just made really angry at a stoplight before Scott called. And you never want to take an angry pimple out in public.
But then Scott reminded me of our three small children, who he'd have to bring with him if he were to go pick up the food. So I bore down and went to Oscar's. I thought about stopping in the ladies room there, but by that point in time I was committed to holding it, you know? Plus, I swore the bartender was staring at my pimple so I just wanted to get out of there pronto tonto.
Can you believe I'm not even to the point of my story yet?
Okay, now I am. Anyways, for the last couple miles of the drive home, I passed by a big patch of prairie on the right. Not much to see there - just grass and wildflowers and that's pretty much it. But then I started to notice that there were a lot of bugs flying around. Which, granted, I live in Nebraska so it's not like bugs are unusual or anything. But there were a lot of bugs. Big bugs. So I peered closer. And then I realized these weren't just any bugs - they were dragonflies.
A SWARM OF DRAGONFLIES!!!
I almost peed my pants right then and there, which as we established above, was already precariously close to happening anyway. Dragonflies are the most terrifying bug in the world (followed closely by grasshoppers) for mainly three reasons.
1. They are BIG. Actually, they are GINORMOUS.
2. They are POINTY. One of those things could poke your eye out if they flew right into it, which you know they are trying to do.
3. They are SWOOPY. They fly around all willy nilly zig zaggy - they're up, they're down, they're back, they're forth - they're like the Cha Cha Slide of the insect world. You never know which way they're gonna go next.
People, there were dragonflies EVERYWHERE. Swooping in front of my car and next to my car and everywhere I looked. I instinctively ducked and dodged, sure that one of them would eventually break the glass on my windshield. It was like that scene from the Bible where there was a plague of locusts. Or maybe that was from Little House on the Prairie. Or maybe both? I can't remember.
Maybe it was my pimple that attracted them! It was a like a target right in the center of my chin calling for them all to attack. Thank God I made it home safely. I am shuddering just remembering it.
And to think I went through all that just because my husband wanted wings and a pizza. The things I do for him, I swear.