Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Death by Barbecue

I almost died on Saturday night.

But let me back up a bit.

On Saturday night, our lovely friends Brian and Brandi came over to barbecue and get their asses whooped in Wii Mario Kart.  Have I ever mentioned here on the blog that Scott and I are experts at Mario Kart?  It is truly intimidating to see us in action.  If you are a 10 year old boy.

Anyway, we were very much looking forward to seeing them.  Brian had been marinating steaks for approximately 2 days.  We always make Brian cook when they come over because he does things like, well, marinate steaks for 2 days.  You can't beat that.  Anyway, these steaks were something special.  They were from Brian and Brandi's own personal 1/2 cow, which Brandi had lovingly dubbed Elsie.  Or was it Bessie?  I'm confusing my cow names. Anyway, we were looking forward to seeing what Elsie/Bessie had to offer as Brandi and Brian assured us she was delicious.

Are any vegetarians still reading this?  Sorry guys, I'm from Nebraska - it can't be helped. 

So after awhile, Scott and Brian decided it was time to get down to barbecuing business and fired up the grill to pre-heat.  Then they went to the store, leaving Brandi and I behind with the kids.  Brandi was reading one of the twins a story while I was stuffing the other one into his pajamas and lord knows what Ashley was doing when all of a sudden Brandi started pointing out the window and making strange sounds.  I turned around and saw that the grill was on fire.

Let me repeat for emphasis.  The grill was on FIRE.  Like flames shooting out in every direction fire.  Like "Holy shit, the grill is on fire!" fire.  Like "Oh my God, I am going to burn to death!" fire.  Brandi was the brave one out of the two of us...she ran out and turned the thing off.  I cowered inside and called Scott on my cell phone.


"The grill is on FIRE!"


"The grill is on FIRE!!!!!!!"

"Well go turn it off."

Now, I must digress here to let it be known that I have a tendency to be a bit, shall we say....over-sensitive.  Oh fine, I'm a drama queen.  So Scott didn't really take me seriously.  In fact, I think he even told me at one point that it wasn't going to kill me.

Au contraire, mon frere.  Or whatever you say when a barbecue is trying to kill you.   

I hunted around under the sink for our fire extinguisher, which apparently we didn't bring with us when we moved here from Saint Louis.  (Note to Self:  Buy new fire extinguisher.)  Not finding anything, I ran out to the backyard with Brandi to try and appear useful by yelling at the barbecue to stop burning.  I think it helped because it finally started to burn itself out just as Brian and Scott got home.  

After it was all over, I was still a little freaked, because OMG FIRE.  But then I got even more freaked when I realized that Brandi and I had been running around outside next to a flaming barbecue within inches of a propane tank.

Yes, you read that right.  We could have been EXPLODED to death.  That's even scarier than fire.  Even non-drama queens would agree.

R.I.P. Barbecue.  You lived a good life, even if you turned on me at the end.  And R.I.P. Elsie/Bessie.  Sorry you had to be cooked under the broiler instead of on the barbecue.  You were still delicious even so.


mrs. b. said...

oh my! fellow drama queen here and i would have probably run down the block screaming like a banshee. because, ya know, that's what we do.

SO glad that you're alive. like, soooo glad.

criticalcrass said...

i would've been running toward louisiana. so i think you handled that a whole lot better than me.

Sadia said...

I'm glad you're alive. Sorry about the barbecue.

(Note to self: Test fire extinguisher. You'd think I'd remember. The FIL has 30 years of firefighting under his belt.)

w said...

this was a great story. traumatic, but great. also. i was majorly worried about the steak the entire time.

Peppermint Patty said...

WHAT?! You didn't even grab your camera to take a picture. THAT would've been a great "Wordless Wednesday" shot! LOL

Your husband said what my husband would have said, "Well, turn it off then." haha

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Aging Mommy said...

Well it makes for a great blog post :-) Sorry about the demise of your BBQ
I am just going to check where our fire extinguisher is so I know exactly where to locate it before BBQ season begins in earnest!!

Jen said...

I am sorry that you almost died but this cracked me up. :)

Mama2Monkeys said...

haha, no no you were not the least bit dramatic. i would of been whooping so loud the fire department in the next county would of heard me. me and fire aren't friends, kay?

glad your okay, and you lived to tell the story!

Helene said...

I just love the way you tell your stories...I imagine you must talk exactly in the same manner in which you write. It's almost as if I can hear your voice telling the story!

My husband would've said the same thing...as if turning off a BBQ was really that simple. I have no clue how to operate ours. I'd probably call 911 and then Tim would never let me live it down.

Glad Bessie/Elsie still tasted good though in the end. Also glad none of your eyebrows or eyelashes got singed off in the fire..that would've totally sucked because you know how long it would take to grow those back?

Kim said...

I'm just glad the steaks are ok! I thought they were in the grill already.

Sorry, I've been on a no-beef diet a little too long.

Glad you're ok!

bbcd mama said...

At least you were rewarded with indulging in the steak at the end. That would have been SOOO scary, though! Thank goodness it wasn't worse.

Great story, Megan!

The Lane Family said...

The good news..a yummy steak and heck I do not think you were a drama queen I would have been screaming as well. The part about dying at the end was to funny. You made me laugh!!

BranderPaul said...

YESS!!! I've been waiting for it!! WOOOOHOOOO!! :) And yeah for us.. you know.. for surviving and all :) Next time, we're bringing pizza :)

And she's not kidding about the Mario Kart, folks.

Kate, aka Guavalicious said...

And people think Saturday nights are boring after you have kids.

J. L. W. said...

I am glad the steaks were okay (and you guys to, of course). I would have totally freaked out to.

I have an award at my site for you.

Krystyn said...

Glad that Bessie still tasted good.

Guess you should probably add a new grill to that shopping list.

I'm now noting to self to locate my fire extinguisher!

Emily said...

I'm so glad that you're all OK. And that the steaks were saved. All is well with the world!

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Busymomsteph said...

You are not a drama queen. I would have done the same thing or worse. At least the steaks weren't on becuase if the were I probably would have sacrificed myself to save the cow! From one meat lover to another!

Debbi said...

I'm glad it didn't succeed in it's mission. I liked that you yelled at the bbq to stop burning. That made me laugh!

JadeLD said...

Steak - yum. What did you marinade it in? I've never tried marinading for that long. Glad you survived though, that does sound pretty scary!

Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry" said...

Glad you didn't get burned or die--how scary! Those grills scare me for exactly this reason. We got one for a wedding present and it sat in our basement in the box for about 10 years. I figured if we hadn't used it by then, we weren't going to use it. We donated it to a private school garage sale.

Congrats on your SITS day!

Cheryl said...

My first thought would have been to get the camera. No kidding. Never would have even thought about the propane. Now I've got a whole new thing to be wary of come barbeque season. Usually it's just the mosquitoes. Now this. Eek!

Ma What's 4 dinner said...

I hate that stupid BBQ. They are so not idiot proof and most of the time, I am an idiot! I've singed my brows a time or too myself. I'm glad the propane tank didn't ignite!

Happy SITS day.

Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma, What's for Dinner

Lindsay @ Just My Blog said...

I sure hope that hubby of yours apologized for not realizing the life-threatening situation that you were facing. Men just dont' understand that things on fire are SCARY.

Marie said...

I am like you...BBQ's scare me especially the propane tank part....Glad everyone made it out alive including your steaks.

Heather said...

I'm going to crack up here for a second - my grandma's name is Elsie. Let it be known I love her to death. But, when I named my daughter, I named her after my other grandma. My dad was wondering why not his mom? Hello, it's a cow's name. You just proved me right. Don't tell my dad or my grandma I said that. I just offended everyone in the world with the name Elsie. Sorry!!!!

I'm glad you were ok! I would have been running around freaking out too!

Tracy @ Hall of Fame Momsww said...

Very funny post- I'm glad it didn't explode on you! I'm afraid of gas grilles myself ;)

♥ Becky ♥ said...

Sister, you have me cracking up!!! I probably would have peed myself had I been there to witness all of that. Of course I would have helped!!!

Honey said...

I am visiting from SITS. That post was so funny! We had a fire in our townhouse complex last summer (in the middle of the night) and the suite was gutted. We realized after that there was a bbq in the backyard and the gas line under the whole complex.

Nice meeting you.


obxbchgrl said...

OH, I can so relate to this one. Love it.

Lisa said...

OMG this was too funny. I would have been running in circles screaming bloody murder so, yeah, I feel ya.

LisaDay said...

Our barbecue is always out to get me, too. My solution. I don't do bbqs.

Happy belated SITS day.