Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Maybe I Can Use it as a Pizza Topping

So the boys have always been picky eaters.  Rather than combat it head on, Scott and I have just gotten used to feeding them things that we know they will eat.  Then we usually make a separate dinner for just the two of us, because sometimes as an adult, you need a little more variety in your diet than just pasta and chicken nuggets. 

It's not a perfect system, making separate dinners, but it's fine.  We're used to it.  But then a few weeks ago, the twins did the unthinkable.

They boycotted CHEESE PIZZA.

Wait...what??!!  What American kid in their right mind doesn't like cheese pizza?????  It's always a fail-proof meal choice!  It's on every kids' menu in the known universe of chain restaurants!  It's friggin' cheese, carbs and sauce cut into a fun triangle shape, for God's sake!  What could be better?

Compounding my frustration was the fact that up until the night of the Great Cheese Pizza Boycott, the boys loved cheese pizza.  They couldn't get enough of it.  I'd barely have it out of the box oven before the chorus of "Mmmmmmmms!" would start echoing throughout the kitchen.  "Mo' pizza, mama!" they'd yell as they put away piece after piece, and I'd sit there satisfied with myself thinking "Job well ordered done, mama." 

And then *poof* - just like that it was all gone.

Which meant that I had one less item on my list of meals that all three children would eat.  Which meant that my total number of meals on said list was now down to ZERO.

So, something snapped in me that night.  I had had it.  How dare my kids turn down cheese pizza - didn't they know how lucky they were??  It's not like I was trying to feed them liver or brussel sprouts or even green beans for pete's sake.  It was cheese pizza!  Pizza with cheese!  And sauce!  I raised my fist to the heavens and shouted "Enough!  You will eat what we make for dinner!  And if you don't like it, that's tough!  You can all go to bed hungry!"

And I've stuck to my guns.  I didn't back down the night that Owen only ate two pieces of lettuce.  And I didn't panic the night that Aidan started crying when I put some lovely baked chicken on his plate. And I didn't even cave on the night we made them tuna casserole, even though I secretly agreed that it looked kind of barfy.  I was impervious to whines, cries, and pleas for items not on the menu - as God is my witness, they were going to learn to eat what we put before them!!

But man, those boys are tough.  I was sure their food strike would only last a few days, but they kept on holding out.  Granted, they started stuffing themselves full of waffles and bagels in the morning and PB&J's and cheese sticks at lunch, but you'd think their tiny stomachs would be ready for some substantive grub come dinner time.

Yeah, you'd think.  And Scott would think.  And I'd think too, until I opened up Aidan's diaper the other night and found a blindingly bright green solid substance looking back at me.  At first I panicked, because "OMG, green poop!" and then I investigated.  What could have made my son's poop green?  Did he get into some kind of chemical?  Oh my God, was it due to malnutrition???  Was I starving him slowly??

And then I saw the basket of crayons over in the corner.  And the green crayon stub lying beside it.  Covered in teeth marks.

Yes, my son ate a green crayon on the sly.  Perhaps because he was hungry.  Perhaps because he is a weirdo.

All I know for sure is, my son will eat crayons.  But he will not eat CHEESE PIZZA. Lord help me.


Emily said...

Once again, you made me laugh out loud! I have yet to figure out the mystery-enshrouded entity that is a toddler's appetite. Love something one day, hate it the next. And I'm impressed you're sticking to your guns. Maybe I can borrow some of your bravery and attempt to get some nutrition down my kiddos' gullets. Maybe.

Anonymous said...

We stuck to our guns preparing meals that everyone enjoy. If my daughters don't eat what is served, that's their choice. I accommodate their preferences within reason. If they want more fruit because they don't like the meat, I will accommodate. But my daughters do understand we are not a restaurant!

Theta Mom said...

I think our sons are long lost twins! lol

We are a mac-n-cheese & chicken fingers house all the way...and when he was a baby, he wouldn't eat certain baby food but would bite a gross toy or wrapper. Trust me, I get it! :)

Katrina said...

I'm laughing so hard. I'm totally there with you. Aidyn used to eat anything and everything and now he's so picky. He gags on chocolate! That has to be illegal somewhere.

mrs. b. said...

HAHAHA! oh my goodness, i have not laughed this hard in ages! but seriously, who doesn't like cheese pizza? c'mon, boys.

Danae said...

That is SO funny! Glad to know I'm not the only one with crayon-eating children.