Friday, January 30, 2009

Adventures in Darwinism

One of Ashley's uncles (*cough* Uncle Andy *cough*) bought her a little stuffed animal for a gift several Christmases ago. Ashley recently rediscovered it and has added it to her nighttime menagerie of bedtime pals that she can't sleep without.

The other night when I was tucking her in, I picked the little guy up off the floor and said:

"Ashley, here's your....................huh."

I have no idea what this thing is.

So being the extra resourceful mom that I am, I took a survey of the various members of my household in an effort to classify the thing into its appropriate species of stuffed animal. (I skipped Aidan and Owen since they still think a cat says "woof woof.")

I think it's a lion. You've got the mane, the poof on the tail, the coloring... Definitely lion.


Scott, on the other hand, thought it was a gopher. Hmmm........

Ashley went with kangaroo. I dunno...I'm not seeing it. But she was pretty insistent.

I guess we're not going to come to an agreement. Therefore, I've decided to classify it into a species all its own. We'll call it....the ligoroo.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

It's the End of the World As We Know It

Oh, I just can't help it!!

I know I'm supposed to be a "mommy blogger" and all that, but jeez, foxnews.com makes it hard to stay focused!

Did anyone hear about the large hadron collider thingamajig sometime last year? Don't click on that link by the way...it's all a bunch of wikipedia gibberish. Instead, let me describe it for you in my own words:

The large hadron collider is a big machine type-thingy made by super-smart scientists to make little black holes and what not, which apparently could be bad but probably isn't since they hopefully got the right permits to build the thing, anyway.

Is everyone on board now? Good.

So anyhoo, I remember reading about this large hadron collider a while back, and how people were worried that it would DESTROY THE WORLD!!!! And then they turned it on, and it didn't. Phew.

But apparently that's not good enough for foxnews.com. Since people aren't stressed enough about the economy failing, or global warming, or terrorism, or any other big bad scary things, foxnews.com has decided that we need to worry about the large hadron collider again!!

Unfortunately, there isn't much to be had in 'breaking news' about the large hadron collider. So after begrudgingly reporting that the general consensus in the scientific community is that the large hadron collider will (still) not, in fact, destroy the world, foxnews.com decided to add its own scientific opinion to the mix:


FoxNews.com can think of a few other things that didn't seem possible once — the theory of continental drift, the fact that rocks fall from the sky, the notion that the Earth revolves around the sun, the idea that scientists could be horribly wrong.

We're also wondering how often the LHC might create individual black holes, since longer-lived ones have a greater chance of merging with each other, and, um, well, see ya.

If the worst comes to pass, and there's now a slightly greater chance that it might, at least it might explain why we've never heard from extraterrestrial civilizations: Maybe they built Large Hadron Colliders of their own.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,483477,00.html


I love it! I wonder what sort of journalism classes you have to take to get hired at foxnews.com. "The Art of Snark", maybe? Or "How to Freak People Out Over Nothing"? Or "The Proper Use of the Phrase 'Um, yeah' in Legitimate News Articles"? Or maybe, "How to Insert a Reference to Extraterrestrials in any Article Regardless of the Topic"?

Man, I definitely picked the wrong career. You don't get to do much snarking in legal memorandums. Sigh.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Overheard on the Baby Monitor

Ashley's bedroom is right next door to the twins' room. Which can lead to some interesting conversations via hollering when everybody should instead be sleeping:

Random Twin (sorry - I can't tell who's who on the baby monitor. I'm not perfect, people!): AAAHH!

Ashley: Go to bed, babies!!!

Random Twin: Ah-gay! (toddler to English translation: Okay!)

Ashley: Babies! It's sleepy time!

Random Twin: Ah-gay!

Ashley: BABIES, GO TO BED!!

Random Twin: Ah-gay!

Ashley: BABIES!

Random Twin: Ah-gay!

Ashley: GO TO BED!!

Random Twin: Ah-gay!

Ashley: Hey, babies! Banana kichen!

Random Twin: Ha ha ha ha!

Ashley: Ha ha ha ha...banana kitchen!

All: AAAHH!!!!!!!

I'm not sure what a banana kitchen is, but apparently the phrase makes my children band together to boycott bedtime as a single vocal unit. Darnit...I was enjoying having Ashley as my second-in-command, too. My vocal cords need a rest.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Dog bites...huh?

Another day, another fascinating news tidbit courtesy of foxnews.com:

Clinically Depressed Poodle Mauls Former French President Chirac

Oh, how I would love to be a writer for foxnews.com! Putting aside all criticisms of journalistic integrity and "fair and balanced" news reporting....man oh man, do they have a talent for writing the most entertaining headlines!

Only the creative copy editors at foxnews.com could come up with a way to make me click on a "Dog Bites Man" story. There I sat, with my cursor poised over the link, wondering the following:

"Huh. I wonder how they know a dog is clinically depressed? Can you treat a dog for that? How do you make a dog swallow an anti-depressant? Aren't poodles supposed to be nice? Maybe the Obama's shouldn't get that labradoodle after all. I wonder if it was groomed all pretty with pink bows and such? Maybe that's why it was depressed."

And.....click. Kudos, foxnews.com! You got me, again.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

To Love a Blackberry

In real life, I am a lawyer. And thus, I own a blackberry.

I loooooove my blackberry. It's compact, and shiny, and I can use it to call people, get on the internet, send text messages, or play sudoku anytime I want as long as I am located somewhere within the verizon wireless network. Which is everywhere.

Oh yeah, and I occasionally check work e-mails on it too.

But back to the important stuff...enjoying the non-work benefits of blackberry ownership. Some people (*cough* Scott *cough*) may say I'm addicted to the thing. Well, maybe he's right. I do tend to panic when I can't track it down in the morning before I leave for work. And I've been known to whip it out whenever there's a greater than 5 minute lull in conversation between us. And maybe I do sleep with it under my pillow on occasion (but only when Scott's out of town). So yes, maybe I do love my blackberry a little too much.

But I am not alone in my blackberry obsession. There are two little guys in my house who love the thing even more than I do. And those two little guys are named Aidan and Owen.

Hoo boy, do their eyes light up when they catch sight of my blackberry! They love to click the little buttons, roll the little track wheel, ooh and aah over the backlight that flashes on and off with the constant button pushing, hold the thing up to their ears and say "Hey-yo!" (toddler to English translation: hello), etc. But because they love it so, they tend to get insanely possessive when I try to take it back from them.

And apparently, possessiveness in almost-two-year-olds manifests itself in an attempt to destroy the current object of their affection. One minute they will be lovingly caressing and clicking away on the blackberry, then I start to panic that they've somehow managed to unlock it and are curently sending e-mails from me to my entire firm saying nothing but "ljakjdfkjajl;jsdljfsljflksjlkdsjfsjfsljf," and when I try to gently take it back from them they freak out and throw the poor little thing across the room while I silently scream "NOOOO!!"

Hmm, maybe I am too attached to it.

So needless to say, my blackberry is very banged up. It's got a crack down the screen, the clicker on the track wheel no longer works, and there are various dents and chips embedded into the exterior.

So why do I let them play with my blackberry even though they continually attempt to destroy it, you ask?

That's easy. It's because my children outnumber me. And because I'm a slow learner. And also because when this blackberry finally bites it, I get to trade it in for an even shinier, newer, more dazzling blackberry!

Ah, love is fickle.

Monday, January 19, 2009

All By Myself

God bless, in no particular order, the following individuals for making today possible:
  1. Martin Luther King, Jr.
  2. My husband
  3. Stephenie Meyer

Yes, it's kind of a random list, but thanks to these three lovely people I had a day off from work, a day off from the kids, and a couple of hours to go soak up some cheesy teen vampire gooey goodness at my local movie theater.

I can't remember the last time I went to see a movie in the movie theater...no, scratch that. I can. It was "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull." Ugh...no wonder I blocked it out. So technically I should say, I can't remember the last time I went to see a movie all by myself in the movie theater.

I've only done it a handful of times, but every time I do, I love it. There's just something about buying my ticket for one, not having to share my candy or my armrest, and being able to linger in the theater for as long as I want without feeling pressure to leave when the credits start rolling.

Hmmmm. I guess that kinda makes me sound cheap, selfish, anti-social and nerdy. No wonder I have to go to the movies alone.

Or maybe it's because I know if I asked Scott to go see Twilight with me, we'd have a conversation that would go something like this:

Me: Hey honey, want to go see Twilight with me?

Scott: What's it about?

Me: Um, vampires?

Scott: A vampire movie?

Me: Well, it's a love story.

Scott: A vampire love story?

Me: Well, yes, but with teenagers.

Scott: A teen vampire love story?

Me: Never mind.

I imagine it would have been similar to the conversation we had when I tried to get him to watch Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog with me. I didn't win that one, either.

Boy, I'm not making myself sound any less nerdy, am I?

But anyway, I had a lovely time by myself at the movies today. The movie itself I rate a "B-", but the "me time" I rate a solid "A+."

Thursday, January 15, 2009

This Post is Brought to You by the Number 2

The boys will turn two years old in a couple of weeks.

Two.

How can that be possible when I still remember them being as teeny tiny as this?




And snuggling up to each other in the same pack n' play like this?



And being able to snooze side-by-side on their daddy's chest like this?



And how we used to dress them up like this? (Hey, sometimes we had to mix things up... even life with newborn twins can get a little monotonous at times).



And now, they are both so BIG.



I can't believe how quickly the last two years have gone.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

R.I.P., O Christmas Tree

Question: What looks even trashier than having all of your Christmas decorations still up in the middle of January?

Answer: Having 1/2 of your Christmas decorations still up in the middle of January.

I was in the middle of de-Christmasing my house on Saturday, when I got distracted. That tends to happen when you have 3 kids aged 3 and under who are currently in the middle of a "Mine! Mine! Mine!" stage.

But, I did get the Christmas tree taken down. Although, I think I might have psychologically scarred Ashley in the process.

But wait, let's start with a little background, shall we?

When I was growing up, one of the biggest events of the Christmas season was heading out as a family to pick out our Christmas tree. I have many fond memories of wandering around the Christmas tree lot to pick out a tree, watching the Christmas tree man hoist the tree up onto the top of the family station wagon and strapping it on with those fun stretchy cord thingies, drinking hot chocolate, the smell of the Christmas tree in the house, constant watering to keep the thing alive, etc. etc. We always had a live Christmas tree growing up, and I didn't know there was any other way to do it.

Until I met Scott.

Scott does not approve of live Christmas trees for a number of reasons, including but not limited to the following: (i) live trees are a fire hazard (Scott is very fire safety conscious); (ii) live trees are messy and leave pine needles everywhere (Scott knows that I don't like to vacuum); and (iii) Scott is a Christmas grinch (well, about the tree issue, at least). So ever since Scott and I moved in together, we've had an artifical tree. I don't like it, but I do like Scott, so I've learned to live with it.

One year when I was extra complainy about it, Scott bought me a can of pine tree air freshener to spray on it. It just wasn't the same.

But anyway, now I'm used to it. So I thought nothing of it this Saturday morning when I pulled a chair into our living room, climbed up and started disassembling it by throwing the various branches on the floor.

Until I heard Ashley shriek "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"

I looked over my shoulder, assuming one of the twins had stolen back a toy that she'd probably just stolen from them, and said, "What is going on?"

And Ashley started bawling.

"Not my tree! No mommy, not my tree!"

Since I was confused and short on time (and apparently a little heartless), I kept on stripping down the tree. Ashley continued to freak.

"Ashley, what is the deal? I'm just taking the tree down!"

"NO, MOMMY!!! I love my tree!! Don't hurt my tree!"

I then realized that I was basically dismembering the tree in front of her. Ripping off one branch here, plucking another one out over there, decapitating the top section, scalping off the side, until all that was left was a skinny pole with a few wayward branches jutting out from it. And since I'm kind of a weakling, I had to put a lot of effort into the dismembering so I have a feeling it looked quite violent in retrospect.

Apparently, it was quite a traumatic sight for a three year old.

When it was all said and done, Ashley plopped herself down on the floor in the middle of the tree remnants to mourn its passing. I'm adding this to my list of things that are wrong about artificial trees...apparently, they can cause severe childhood trauma.

Although then again, if I'd waited until mid-January to get rid of a live tree, I might have had a difficult time explaining to Ashley why it had changed colors from green to brown. And explaining to Scott why I hadn't vacuumed up those pine needles yet.

Monday, January 12, 2009

All for the Cookies

Ashley's favorite food in the world...

...is the cookie.


So we made sugar cookies this weekend (if by "made", you really mean "opened a box of pre-made cookie dough and poured copious amounts of pink sprinkles all over them").

Ashley loved making cookies. So much so, that she wanted to share them with everyone.


Because when Ashley "shares" a cookie...that means she gets to eat one, too.

So she shared cookies all weekend long....luckily her mommy loves sharing, too. :-)

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Money, It's a Gas

Like many other home-owning Americans who aren't currently facing the threat of foreclosure, we are taking advantage of the low interest rates triggered by the crappy economy and refinancing our house.

We locked in yesterday at 4.75%, which apparently will save us about $200 a month. Sweet!

Unfortunately, however, I have a feeling that our "extra" $200 will quickly be sucked up by various unexpected child-rearing expenses.

For example, the children have not yet caught their annual version of the Bubonic Plague (a.k.a. the stomach flu). The Bubonic Plague always triggers a number of unbudgeted-for expenses, such as multiple co-payments, extra laundry detergent, carpet cleaner, and plenty of booze to get Scott and I through it. On the plus side, you don't need to spend a lot of money on food during Bubonic Plague week.

I'm also getting a bit worried because I had planned to save money by keeping the boys in their cribs until they turned 14. Okay, maybe that's unreasonable...let's say 12. But Aidan, who is not even freakin' 2 years old yet, is already trying to climb out of his. And you know Owen is just watching his every move, so it's only a matter of time before they both chuck themselves over the things. So I'm thinking big boy beds are just around the corner. And big boy beds are pricey.

And then, we have Ashley...you never know what unexpected expenses she's gonna bring. So far this month, I'm pretty sure she's broken our DVD player and lost a $25 giftcard to iTunes that Scott got for Christmas. Hmmm, wait a minute....maybe she stuck the gift card *in* the DVD player! I don't know why that didn't occur to me before...I'll have to check that out tonight.

So, our dreams of mani/pedi's (me) and DeWalt tools (Scott) will remain unrequieted for the foreseeable future...and probably until all the kids graduate from college. 20 years and counting...

Monday, January 5, 2009

Ode to the Wagon Wheel



Ode to the Wagon Wheel

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
My kids love wagon wheels,
How about you?

They're all they will eat,
At each and every dinner,
Why try something else?
When you already have a winner.

Don't try to put sauce on them,
Just butter and cheese,
They don't want anything else,
Just wagon wheels, please.

That meat is disgusting!
Those veggies a bore!
But their wagon wheel pasta,
Now that they adore.

So put that pot on to boil,
Don't fight it anymore,
Anything else that you make them,
Will just end up on the floor.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

How can it be 2009 when I'm still talking about Christmas?

Oh, Owen...

My little fighter, my Baby B, the smaller baby, the "donor", the shrink-wrapped one, the one so happy to have some room after my 21st week that he'd scoot around my belly frustrating multiple nurses' attempts to pinpoint him with the doppler thingamajig at my weekly prenatal appointments.

The second born (by one minute), the one who missed being categorized as "low birth weight" by a 1/2 ounce, the one who had trouble breathing, the one who I didn't get to see until the day after he was born, the one who got banished to the NICU, the one who had to stay a few more days in the hospital after we'd already brought his brother home.

The one who didn't want to nurse, the one who didn't want to nap, the one who threw a full-out tantrum the first time he tasted ice cream because I didn't give him a second spoonful fast enough.

The one who will only eat pasta and corn, the one who insists on being carried down the stairs when he gets up in the morning, the one who attaches himself to my body like an extra appendage when anyone comes over to our house to visit.

That is my Owen...he is one ornery little fellow.

So, pray tell me, why was I surprised by the horrendous tantrum he had when I tried to get cute pictures of all the kids wearing Santa hats for our annual Christmas card?




Because he has a goofy identical twin who loved the experience, that's why.





They've got the same nature, they've got the same nurture....nonetheless, they have absolutely opposite personalities. At least when it comes to their hat preferences.

Life with twins...hopefully I'll figure out their personality quirks in time for next year's Christmas card. But I'm not counting on it.