Wednesday, January 28, 2009

It's the End of the World As We Know It

Oh, I just can't help it!!

I know I'm supposed to be a "mommy blogger" and all that, but jeez, makes it hard to stay focused!

Did anyone hear about the large hadron collider thingamajig sometime last year? Don't click on that link by the's all a bunch of wikipedia gibberish. Instead, let me describe it for you in my own words:

The large hadron collider is a big machine type-thingy made by super-smart scientists to make little black holes and what not, which apparently could be bad but probably isn't since they hopefully got the right permits to build the thing, anyway.

Is everyone on board now? Good.

So anyhoo, I remember reading about this large hadron collider a while back, and how people were worried that it would DESTROY THE WORLD!!!! And then they turned it on, and it didn't. Phew.

But apparently that's not good enough for Since people aren't stressed enough about the economy failing, or global warming, or terrorism, or any other big bad scary things, has decided that we need to worry about the large hadron collider again!!

Unfortunately, there isn't much to be had in 'breaking news' about the large hadron collider. So after begrudgingly reporting that the general consensus in the scientific community is that the large hadron collider will (still) not, in fact, destroy the world, decided to add its own scientific opinion to the mix: can think of a few other things that didn't seem possible once — the theory of continental drift, the fact that rocks fall from the sky, the notion that the Earth revolves around the sun, the idea that scientists could be horribly wrong.

We're also wondering how often the LHC might create individual black holes, since longer-lived ones have a greater chance of merging with each other, and, um, well, see ya.

If the worst comes to pass, and there's now a slightly greater chance that it might, at least it might explain why we've never heard from extraterrestrial civilizations: Maybe they built Large Hadron Colliders of their own.,2933,483477,00.html

I love it! I wonder what sort of journalism classes you have to take to get hired at "The Art of Snark", maybe? Or "How to Freak People Out Over Nothing"? Or "The Proper Use of the Phrase 'Um, yeah' in Legitimate News Articles"? Or maybe, "How to Insert a Reference to Extraterrestrials in any Article Regardless of the Topic"?

Man, I definitely picked the wrong career. You don't get to do much snarking in legal memorandums. Sigh.

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