Thursday, June 26, 2008

Mouse-Kannoying

Okay, so I'm about to admit to one of my parenting faults. We let Ashley watch television. A LOT of television. Trust me, you would too if the alternative was listening to a 2.5 year old go "Ash-ee watch a show? Ash-ee watch a show? Ash-ee watch a show?" for eight hours straight. There's only so much we can take before we crack.

But this parenting strategy has begun to backfire on us, as Ashley has now discovered the most annoying children's program in the history of television.... Well, okay, maybe that's a little extreme, but it's certainly the most annoying children's program on my TiVo right now and it's about to drive me crazy.

It's called.....Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Now, I like Disney. I really do. I don't get all up in arms about Disney princess propaganda, I have nothing against commercialism, and I actually think Disney World and Disney Land are super fun vacation spots.

But Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is the devil. And Ashley LOVES it.

Here are my problems with the show, in no particular order:

1. Mickey is a self-righteous bastard. He pretends like he doesn't know what he's looking for, or what mouse-ka-tool he needs at a particular moment, or that he can't see whatever "hidden" object is sitting RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF HIS FACE, and asks the audience what to do/where to go/how to do it. And then when you give him an answer, he says "Right!" Like he knew it the whole time and just wanted to be an a-hole about it.

2. The show makes NO SENSE whatsoever. For example, let's take the "disappearing color" episode. Professor Duck-whatever-his-name-is comes over to the clubhouse and says "Oooh, we need to collect all the colors on the color collector mouse-ka-tool!" And I'm like, "Dude, get Mickey's pants...they're red." And then they go and make ridiculous rules like "The color collector can't use clothes to catch colors!" WTF?? Why freakin' not?? That makes NO sense!

3. When did Donald Duck turn into such a pansy?? I remember the old days back when Donald had attitude. He used to be one crazy, funny, spastic little duck. Now he's just a silly little duck who gets mildly perturbed on occasion. Nobody likes P.C. Donald!!!

4. WHY in God's name do they say "Oh, Too-dles!" when they're looking for the mouse-ka-tools?? Why don't they go "Oh, Too-ools!" or "Oh, Mouse-ka-too-ools!" Because this show is annoying, that's why.

5. Speaking of those mouse-ka-tools, the show plays tricks on you with them. Like the episode where Mickey had to pick a flower, and for God knows what reason he felt like he needed to use a mouse-ka-tool to accomplish that task. Good lord, can't he just flippin' pick it? But nooooo...he needs to use a mouse-ka-tool. So you can choose between the safety scissors, the shovel or the "mystery mouse-ka-tool". Well, I pick the safety scissors...snip, snip, here's your flower, you're done. But MICKEY says we need to use the freakin' shovel. WTH?? Why do you need a shovel to pick a flower?? We're not doing excavation work for pete's sake.

I could go on and on. Hmmm.....maybe I'm the one who needs to stop watching so much television.

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